Premieres Wednesday:
Dance Moms: A New Era — Virginia studio owner Glo Hampton steps into the shoes of the notorious Abby Lee Miller as the driven coach du jour of a student body that may or may not include the next Jojo Siwa. Screw the YouTube views: Let's see who we can send to jail this time! (Hulu)
Lolo and the Kid — The Philippines gets its own Paper Moon in the story of a confidence man and his young accomplice. The difference is, this pair robs rich people's homes instead of scamming widows with personalized Bibles. Honestly, those both sound pretty small-time now that the gold standard is hawking NFTs of Trump beating Jesus in the Super Bowl. (Netflix)
Love Is Blind: U.K. — The United Kingdom becomes the fifth international locale to host an installment of the talking-before-gawking relationship show. In place of the Lacheys is another married show-biz couple: Matt Willis, formerly of the pop group Busted, and wife Emma, once a presenter on Big Brother. This new gig might not seem like much of a second act, but they only got it in the first place because of the State Pension. (Netflix)
Premieres Thursday:
Are You Sure?! — Jimin and Jungkook, the youngest members of BTS, squeeze in some fun before their compulsory military service by taking in the natural wonders of New York State, Korea and Japan. Personally, I can't get past the youngest members of BTS being old enough for the army. I mean, you might as well hook up Babymetal with a gift card to the Golden Corral. (Disney+)
Mr. Throwback — NBA great Steph Curry plays himself in a mockumentary that shows him reuniting with a childhood friend who's now a dealer in sports memorabilia. Expect plenty of brotherly bonding and shared vulnerability, especially given the way that whole O.J. thing turned out. (Peacock)
Shahmaran — Season 2 of the Turkish fantasy drama clears a path for the coming of the title character, a mythological creature that's half woman and half snake and seeks to control the "cycle of the universe." Let's hope it all becomes a moot point when Shahmaran runs up against an early menopause. (Netflix)
Taken Together: Who Killed Lyric and Elizabeth? — In 2012, 10-year-old Lyric Cook-Morrissey and her 8-year-old cousin, Elizabeth Collins, were kidnapped from Evansdale, Iowa, and later found dead. All these years later, the case remains unsolved. But with the way things have been going recently, I'm going to make a judgment call: It was J.D. Vance. (Max)
The Umbrella Academy — The fourth and final season welcomes Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally as a pair of married doctors, plus David Cross in the role of a meek businessman. None of those characters appears in the source comic, but that won't stop Redditors from complaining their childhood's been ruined anyway. (Netflix)
![Emmy Raver-Lampman as Allison Hargreeves, Elliot Page as Viktor Hargreeves, Aidan Gallagher as Number Five, Robert Sheehan as Klaus Hargreeves, David Castañeda as Diego Hargreeves, Tom Hopper as Luther Hargreeves, Justin H. Min as Ben Hargreeves, Ritu Arya as Lila Pitts in "The Umbrella Academy" - Photo by Christos Kalohoridis/Netflix © 2024](https://media2.orlandoweekly.com/orlando/imager/u/blog/37502683/8-7_film_umbrellaacademy_403_netflix.jpg?cb=1723047450)
Premieres Friday:
Blue Ribbon Baking Championship — Champion pastry chefs from the state-fair circuit compete for a $100,000 prize, under the watchful eye of host Jason "American Pie" Biggs. And yes, they knew exactly what they were doing there. (Netflix)
Inside the Mind of a Dog — Rob Lowe narrates a follow-up to the doc Inside the Mind of a Cat that probes the psyche of a far more ... well, scrutable creature. But really, it shouldn't take more than an hour to explain that an animal just wants to eat, sleep and lick its nuts. You could learn that about Randy Quaid by watching him for five minutes. (Netflix)
The Instigators — Doug Liman directs Matt Damon and Casey Affleck as mismatched thieves who bungle the robbery of a dirty politician. Hey, serves them right for assuming Bob Menendez wouldn't have a Ring. (Apple TV+)
Mission: Cross — To the peculiar subgenre that already includes Mr. and Mrs. Smith and True Lies, add this South Korean action comedy in which a husband's past as a government agent remains a secret to his detective wife until the worst possible moment. See, this is what happens when you convince yourself he was just getting all Brokeback with Jake from State Farm. (Netflix)
Phir Aayi Hasseen Dillruba — The 2021 Bollywood romantic thriller Hasseen Dillruba cribbed elements from Romeo Is Bleeding and Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Now that married murderers Rani and Rishi are back and trying to avoid capture, which other suspense classics will they be desperate enough to cannibalize? I mean, Leonard Maltin always said Double Indemnity needed more dance numbers. (Netflix)
Tales of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles — On the heels of the animated feature Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem comes a 12-episode series set in the same world. New cast additions include Pete Davidson as a good-for-nothing trust-fund baby with dreams of becoming a mutant himself. I'm so old, I remember when all they wanted was to buy Twitter. (Paramount+)
Yo Gabba Gabbaland! — New host Kammy Kam leads a reboot of the Nickelodeon show that taught kids to navigate life according to the advice of some of our best indie musicians and artists. And now that the first generation of Gabbites has seen where that gets you, only pure sadism is stopping them from warning their little brothers and sisters to listen to Suze Orman instead. (Apple TV+)
Premieres Sunday:
SEAL Team — The seventh and final season finds the leaders of Bravo Team shifting their focus to personal challenges like single parenthood and impending retirement. Right there with ya, gang. Everybody I know wants to blow this popsicle stand of a country too. (Paramount+)
Premieres Monday:
Solar Opposites — Season 4 ended with Korvo and co. becoming human and leaving Earth. Not sure what direction that portends for Season 5, but being untethered to terra firma has always worked for Björk. (Hulu)
Matt Rife: Lucid: A Crowd Work Special — Caught in action at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte, North Carolina, stand-up's answer to Justin Bieber demonstrates that having 18 million followers on TikTok is the dividing line between "endearing scamp" and "guy who creeps out women by asking if they're lactating." (Netflix)
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