Published: June 21, 2012
I am a woman who has been with my male partner for one year. We live together and get along well. Our relationship is "monogamish," and we're both totally GGG. The thing is, our sex has dwindled rapidly. I have a high sex drive and would prefer to be having sex more often. It really sucks being turned down all the time. When I bring it up, he gets mad and says I'm making him feel bad. But honestly, all I'm doing is letting him know that I'm hot for him. I am not trying to make him feel bad or put pressure on him. I now ignore my sexual urges unless he initiates something. But I feel hurt when he tells me how much he masturbates. He masturbates when I'm at work and when I'm asleep. He is always masturbating. As much as I enjoy self-pleasuring and know it's good for a person to do, it seems he would rather masturbate than have sex with me. What's a gal to do?
Sadly Pensive And Neglected Kinkster
A gal is to DTMFA, SPANK.
Couples counselors and sex-advice professionals have a term for people who rebuff their partner's sexual advances and then go out of their way to inform their partners that they're masturbating while their partners are at work, asleep beside them, etc.: We call people like that assholes. Because someone who wounds his sex partner through active neglect, salts those wounds by making it clear that he's jerking it in her absence, and then makes his partner feel like she's the bad guy isn't guilty of thoughtless cruelty. He's guilty of intentional, malicious cruelty. Can't you see what your boyfriend has already done to you? He's trained you to "ignore [your] own sexual urges" – he's trained you not to initiate, not to make any demands on him at all – and now you're only sexual when he wants you to be sexual. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend wants a girlfriend, SPANK, it sounds like he wants a Fleshlight that pays half the rent. DTMFA.
CONFIDENTIAL TO PEOPLE WHO WEAR T-SHIRTS: Aydian Dowling was one of the three LGBT youths whose stories were featured in the It Gets Better special on MTV and LOGO earlier this year. Like many young trans men, Aydian needs "top surgery" – chest surgery that will bring his body into line with his gender identity – and this expensive surgery isn't covered by health insurance plans.
"Health insurance in the USA doesn't cover transgender surgeries at all," he says. "They're covered in the U.K., Canada and Australia. The waiting lists are long, but at least it's covered."
Aydian has a job – he's a baker – but he doesn't have health insurance through his workplace. Which means Aydian not only has to pay for his top surgery out of his own pocket, he also has to pay for all the preliminary blood work and tests, and any postoperative care that he might need.
"A lot of trans people ask for donations on sites like ChipIn.com to help cover the costs of their surgeries," says Aydian. "But raising the $6,000 that top surgery costs through donations alone is pretty hard. And I wanted to give something back to people who donated."
To give something back, Aydian designed a line of T-shirts. His T-shirts – which are high quality, trans-themed and really fuckin' cool – cost Aydian $10 to produce, and he's selling them for $20. Between the money Aydian and his wife, Jenilee, were given as wedding gifts and the money he's raised selling his T-shirts, Aydian is just $300 from his $6,000 goal.
Aydian had originally planned to stop selling his T-shirts once he hit his goal. But the shirts have been such a hit, Aydian has decided to keep selling them to help pay for other trans men's top surgeries.
You can check out Aydian's shirts at point5cctshirtcompany.com. The T-shirts are trans-themed – T-Rex! – but anyone can buy and wear them. Check 'em out!
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