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COLUMN

Happytown

The week where we watched more stealth attacks from Republicans on voter rights, worried about the children (our future, Whitney) and their rising college tuition and then looked around for government bullets meant to take us out. Crazy train, anyone?

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We here at Happytown HQ never trust the mainstream media, so we looked into some of the “alternative news sources” we suspect K.B. has been reading. Sure enough, we found that some alternative news outlets – that is to say, paranoid blogs that like to talk about the pending revolution, as well as a chain email that seemed to have made the rounds beginning in March – did trumpet the fact that the U.S. Department of Homeland Security entered into a contract to order a shit-ton of .40-caliber bullets. Some 450 million of 'em, which is indeed a number that far exceeds the population of the United States – about 313 million people, as of the most recent census estimates.

What those alternative “news” sources fail to reveal is that the U.S. government always orders a shit-ton of ammunition to arm such agencies as the Transportation Security Administration, U.S. Customs and Border Protection and – a perennial favorite of Tea Partiers, xenophobes and revolutionaries – U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement. You know, the one that keeps them damn foreign freeloaders from coming into our country and stealing all of our jobs and health care.

Anyway, the Austin American-Statesman and the Tampa Bay Times' Politifact project checked up on this rumor recently and determined that “the large size of the contract is explained as a way for the government to buy in bulk to save money on ammunition used routinely for training officers in a wide variety of agencies.”

So, in other words, the government is trying to do something that the Tea Party is always urging it to do: Be more efficient and stop squandering taxpayer dollars. A source Politifact talked to about the conspiracy email that has been circulating called them sensational and “borderline irresponsible.”

How about we meet halfway and just call this one batshit crazy?

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