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COLUMN

Happytown

The week where we watched more stealth attacks from Republicans on voter rights, worried about the children (our future, Whitney) and their rising college tuition and then looked around for government bullets meant to take us out. Crazy train, anyone?

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UCF President John Hitt continued passing the hot potato with his own mildly sarcastic response: “This is what productivity increases look like, folks. We don't like this either.”Of course not.

The move comes on the heels of seven years of tuition hikes caused by budget cuts; this year alone, the legislature cut $300 million from the state's public universities, $53 million of that from UCF, in an effort not to trouble the indigenous fat cats and speculators that make up our “Sunshine.” As Time magazine reported, the result is that through the recession, “Florida, the nation's fourth largest state, has lost more than 10,000 high-tech jobs.” Not to mention just how much dumber and poorer we are getting.

As an aside, it's interesting to note that liberal turncoat Sen. Gary Siplin, D-Orlando, who voted for that budget (and just about every other Republican thing you can imagine), isn't even smart enough to handle his own campaign finances. According to a May 24 report by the Florida Current, Siplin is approaching a settlement involving a $3,000 fine for accepting numerous faulty campaign donations. That way, he and his wife, Victoria – who is running for his term-limited seat now – will probably avoid the embarrassment of being deposed. Good guys always win!

Well, sometimes they do, actually. On Friday, May 25, a proud father of a University of Florida graduate, Steve Wheeler, laced up his marathon shoes to run 110 miles from Gainesville down to Altamonte Springs in order to draw attention to the arts education programs – his path made stops at his daughter's schools, from elementary school on through college – that made her who she is today. Because, as we all know, the arts are killing our kids and must be stopped.

“Her success may not have been possible without the exceptional teachers and arts programs available,” Wheeler told the UF fine arts blog, The Loop. “Kids are going to lose part of their creative mind.” That is, if they already haven't. School's out forever!

Hey, remember those crazy kids inthe Tea Party? We haven't heard much from them in a while, but an election is looming and guess who's coming out of the woodwork! This week, we got a panicky, revolutionarymissive from K.B. in Houston, who tells us that the National Defense Authorization Act has passed and that the government has ordered enough rifle ammo to put “two bullets into each person.”That must mean the government is preparing to go medieval on our asses, right?

“200 FEMA camps are being staffed as re-education centers,” she writes. “Police are being militarized. Why do you suppose the press isn't all over this? This isn't about terrorism! For real information, start checking alternative news sources and stop trusting mainstream media.”

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