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COLUMN

Happytown

This week we take a SWAT at Patty Sheehan's condo-hostage shenanigans, get ready to take a bullet wound in all 50 states and listen to Newt Gingrich fans discuss a new target-practice immigration policy. BANG!

Photo: Jeff Gore, License: N/A

Jeff Gore


“I’ve been watching the president,” Gingrich began, “and I’m stunned by the combination of arrogance and lack of common sense.” We were fully immersed, once again, in a frightening alternate universe. Gingrich’s statements – “Presidents aren’t monarchs,” “Who does he think he is?” “I don’t think Obama has a sense of humor,” “Obama is the best food-stamp president in American history” – were met with approving grunts of an almost sexual fervor. By the 15th minute of the speech, Gingrich clearly had the audience in the palm of his hand, spinning a suspenseful yarn about Obama’s big government intrusion into the headquarters of Gibson Guitars – on charges of illegally importing Indian wood; the company’s CEO, Henry Juszkiewicz, is a donor to Republicans – to which Gingrich concluded: “The Obama administration is a direct threat to the freedom of every American.”

Alas, the romantic danger of this alternate universe became downright scary after the Q&A started, and one audience member suggested that America make a section of the Mexican border a “target range for military, law enforcement and private citizens.We don’t have to spend five cents on fencing or anything.” The audience laughed and clapped in approval. We’d give you more craziness from this guy, but the video is on our website, and besides, we’ve had more than our fill of indiscriminate firing. Somebody shoot us now.

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