What's Hot
MOST READ
What's Going On

Calendar

Search thousands of events in our database.

Restaurants

Search hundreds of restaurants in our database.

Nightlife

Search hundreds of clubs in our database.

loading...

OW on Twitter
OW on Facebook
Print Email

COLUMN

Happytown

Cover boy Rick Scott rolls into town in a Walmart shopping cart (we roll our eyes), the Republican machine rolls in the dirt of activist profiling and a bunch of trucker mustaches roll through the convention center. We're on a roll, here

Photo: Dave Plotkin, License: N/A

Dave Plotkin


Regrettably, the ability to command a blowjob solely through body language was not tested, nor was the capacity to ignore repeated adolescent honking requests, but we nonetheless hopped in a golf cart with the legendary trucker Jim Daulerio (three million perfect miles, mind you) and followed one of the contestants. Our chosen competitor was towing a set of “twins” around a “problem,” that is to say, pulling two linked cargo trailers around a rubber duckling stationed on the floor. Really.

If you think we’re wasting our breath by exhuming some loserly event from the grave of obscurity just to bury it again, think again! This stuff is important, at least assuming that the draw of cult glory and cold cash ($1,000 for each division winner) may ultimately be preventing pile-ups across our nation’s interstate highways. Also consider the battery of additional contests on the other side of the hall, which tested state troopers from all over North America on how effectively, and how quickly, they could inspect a stationary truck rigged with a panoply of mechanical problems. David White, a contest supervisor sporting an ’88 mustache, recalled the drama of 2009, Pittsburgh, when one trooper bested the other by only 0.7 seconds. “They both had the same violations – it all came down to their time,” he said.

Keep on truckin’!

 

Griffin Town Hall Handout

We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
comments powered by Disqus