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COLUMN

Happytown

Nobody likes Rick Scott, liberals (still) love Alan Grayson, Bill Nelson hates chromium and you can't interfere with destiny!

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Nice bioassays!: Don’t drink the water


We’ve done the work for you, Bill: According to the EPA’s Toxic Release Inventory, a phosphate fertilizer production facility operated by CF Industries Inc. in Plant City, produced a whopping 188,575 pounds of chromium in 2009. Go get ’em, Bill!

Listen up, kiddos, for today’s life lesson/affirmation/depressing truth: The Tracy Flicks of the world always win. Case in point: Entitled AP honors high school senior Katherine “Katie with a heart dotting the I!” Evans was OMG sooo miffed on Nov. 9, 2007, because her AP English teacher at Pembroke Pines Charter High School was brusque with her for being late. “But I was donating blood!” Katieheart pleaded to no avail. Her fate was sealed – her teacher was (gasp!) displeased.

To Facebook! That night, Katie started a group inviting other students to share their stories of this teacher’s “insane antics,” and called the teacher “the worst teacher I’ve ever met!” She sat and waited. Nobody took the bait, except for three former students, now at various state colleges, chiding Ms. Evans for being immature. She took the group down and sheepishly brushed her hair for an hour.

Enter mean ol’ Peter “Matthew Broderick” Bayer, school principal, who suspended Katie for three days, citing “cyberbullying” and – here’s the clincher – pulled her out of AP and, according to a complaint filed with the courts, “forced her into the lesser-weighted honors classes … besmirching [Katie’s] academic record.” Also, Katie says, he violated her First (free speech) and Fourteenth (immigration?) Amendment rights.

Yes, kids, Katieheart, now a UF Gator, went to court with the help of the ACLU. A few years later, on Dec. 28, 2010, she received a settlement: $15,000 to cover her lawyer’s fees and $1 in damages. A buck. Of course, she told the New York Times last year that it wasn’t money she was after; it’s the principle/pal.

Besides, none of this would have happened if Mr. Bayer hadn’t meddled the way he did. He should have just accepted things as they were instead of trying to interfere with an AP kid’s destiny. You see, you can’t interfere with destiny. That’s why it’s destiny.

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