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Happytown

Just like you, beleaguered television viewer with your eyes crossed at the incessant parade of political noise bom-barding your brain, we are so ready for this election cycle to be over.

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Just like you, beleaguered television viewer with your eyes crossed at the incessant parade of political noise bom-barding your brain, we are so ready for this election cycle to be over. Alas, we have one final tradition to uphold before it’s done and we can all pass out. It’s time, once again, for your official Happytown™ Editorial Board endorsements! Read them, then weep.

Federal races

U.S. Senate: Charlie Crist (NPA)

This one wasn’t easy. The (likely) notion of a Republican Marco Rubio victory in this ballyhooed Senate three-way tussle is, in fact, a nightmare of wretched proportions. Democrat Kendrick Meek has come off as an opportunistic spoiler (though it could be argued that Crist is really responsible for that), without the muscle to excite his own party base. So we’re left with known quantity Crist, who has at least on the surface bent in the right – or left – direction on issues involving teachers and gay rights. Never thought we’d say it, but vote for Crist.

U.S. Congress, District 3: 
Corrine Brown (D)

Republican Michael Yost is an auto mechanic who had an epiphany while riled up at a freaking tea party: He, the “little guy,” was not well enough represented in the D.C. noise factory. Though he claims no support from the big Republican machine, his website boasts some heavy endorsements from the GOP. Also, he’s running in a predominately African-American district against incumbent Brown, whose “sweet potato pie” colloquialisms – and solid record of working both sides of the aisle to obtain funding for projects important to Central Florida like high-speed rail – make her both likable and likely. Vote Brown.

U.S. Congress, District 7: 
Heather Beaven (D)

Whether or not Republican incumbent John Mica is actually the namesake inspiration for a deepwater oil field right next to BP’s Deepwater Horizon, he did come out of this year’s environmental calamity covered in sludge. Mica sided with Big Oil, which alone should be enough to arrest him. Also, hairpiece. Newcomer Heather Beaven is a seemingly moderate Navy veteran running a scrappy grassroots campaign with a heavy focus on education and the environment. 
We choose Beaven.

U.S. Congress, District 8: 
Alan Grayson (D)

He may be a crotchety Frankenstein who literally hates us, but at his core Grayson is the best congressman this district has seen in a long while (though, to be fair, it would be hard not to trump his lazy predecessor, Ric Keller). They don’t get much further left than Grayson, but his willingness to justify his positions with real policy knowledge and geeky charm makes him a winner in our book. Vote Grayson.

U.S. Congress, District 24:

Suzanne Kosmas (D)

Kosmas’ opponent, Republican Sandy Adams, stands for the following things: stronger border protection, fiscal conservativism and “pro-growth” policies. In our minds, that can be read as follows: wants aggressive, Arizona-style laws unfriendly to anyone with brown skin; favors large-scale development even though we’ve got a glut of empty and undervalued real estate molding away in the humidity; opposes health care reform. Kosmas may not be a shining star, but she pays attention to national issues important to us (health care for all, tax cuts for middle-class families), and some local ones as well: She’s worked closely with NASA to keep its jobs in Central Florida, and she’s helped implement tax cuts for small businesses to create growth. 
Vote Kosmas.

State/local races

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