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NEWS

FOUL

Our dumb state's dumb governor

Photo: Illustration by Shan Stumpf, License: N/A

Illustration by Shan Stumpf


Maybe a quick trip to the pokey would help flesh out his 
ambition to privatize prisons at the cost of 1,690 corrections jobs and leaving up to 1,500 inmates in the hands of private prisons. Florida's own entrepreneurial prison venture, GEO Group out of Boca Raton, gave $400,000 to the Republican Party to get its friend Scott elected and another $25,000 to make sure he was inaugurated in a manner suited to an unlikable despot.

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Last month's decision to refuse $2.4 billion in federal aid to launch the high-speed rail line from Orlando to Tampa was one of great political haste and questionable fiscal merit. Scott hadn't even received the numbers yet, but, ostensibly in the wake of offending minorities the day before, he came out swinging against federal intrusion into our rundown highway state. He thinks more money should be spent on ports and roads - something that makes sense on paper because public transportation has never been known to operate in the black. Then again, we don't live on paper, do we? We live in sprawling suburbia dotted with strip malls and hubris: a perpetual disconnect.

Narcissist

Even during his campaign, Scott's ill-informed focus seemed to be one with its crosshairs on the Obama administration. His wandering beady eye has led some media outlets to question whether Scott is vying for a higher office. Case in point: Scott's announcement in late February that he'd be globetrotting to Panama, Colombia or Canada in his first six months to look into boosting U.S. trade. How 
horribly presidential.

And he's all yours

There is no excuse - other than a milquetoast Democratic Party incapable of raising a finger, much less a viable candidate - for making this monster our figurehead and Florida's de facto leader. Democratic hopeful Alex Sink, at worst, was a genuine person with some Bank of America baggage. But we're stuck now. Early suspicions that Scott's heavy hammer wouldn't carry much weight among more reasonable conservatives in the legislature have proven 
untrue - House Speaker Dean Cannon and Senate President Mike Haridopolos have both fallen pathetically in lockstep with Scott in recent weeks on the rail issue, and that's just the first piece of (un)laid track. Expect more social issues and more societal failure as Florida's leadership feels its way around a dark funhouse of political atrocities. Just don't expect a recall. Fuck.

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