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Creatures from the Tea Party lagoon

Our annual tribute to the scary monsters and superfreaks that haunt our nightmares

Photo: Shan Stumpf, License: N/A

Shan Stumpf

Then out of nowhere, it seems, he morphed into a Tea Party concern (like most frightened Republicans during this election cycle), without so much as loosening his corporate tie.

Maybe there really is no Marco Rubio. To quote American Psycho’s Bateman, perhaps he is “only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable … I simply am not there.” Now that’s scary.

— Billy Manes

Link to mask of Rubio

Taliban dan

Dan Webster

The spectre of extremism cast its pall over Webster’s campaign, and it chills us to the very core to imagine that our state could send him to Congress. Webster, a former State House Republican leader, has hordes of tea-party zombies to support him despite the fact that he’s downright terrifying when it comes to social issues – women’s issues in particular. He’s a proponent of “covenant marriage” – that is, marriage in which couples can never divorce and are trapped together in horrifying eternity – which has been likened by his opponent Alan Grayson (who held the dubious honor of being featured in our Halloween masks issue last year), to being the matrimonial version of a roach motel: You can check in, but you can’t check out. Webster opposes abortion unequivocally: Even if a woman conceives a child via rape or incest, Webster thinks a woman should bear her attacker’s baby. As if that’s not scary enough, for the past 30 years he’s been involved with a radical Christian group called Institute in Basic Life Principles that believes rock music is unhealthy and addictive and that women ought to defer to their husbands with “reverent submission and assistance.” Clip out this mask, wear it on Halloween and watch as progressive women recoil in horror!

— Erin Sullivan

Link to mask of Webster

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