What's Hot
MOST READ
What's Going On

Calendar

Search thousands of events in our database.

Restaurants

Search hundreds of restaurants in our database.

Nightlife

Search hundreds of clubs in our database.

loading...

OW on Twitter
OW on Facebook
Print Email

COLUMN

Council Watch

Billy Manes paying attention to local government so you don't have to

Item: The city approves an application for funding from the 2012 National Rifle Association Foundation general grant.

Translation: When it’s not busy lobbying the faces off state and federal legislators to make certain that every god-fearing fat person has a holster sewn into his forehead, the NRA likes to paint itself into the corner of law-enforcement philanthropy. After all, who uses guns more than cops? Dogs do! Oh, whatever. This item will throw $10,000 at the Orlando Police Department’s K-9 unit, supplying the department with dog hurdles, trainer bite suits and bite-bar sleeves, batons, electronic collars and hands-free tactical flashlights. So, basically, what we have here is the greatest party ever. Who’s bringing the pills?

Item: The city approves an award to Zambelli Fireworks Manufacturing Co. of Boca Raton for professional fireworks display.

Translation:Speaking of useless things that explode, the city has to stay on top of the audio-visual aesthetics of its terribly expensive new Lake Eola fountain. Life is hard and people are broke, but you know what? Baby, we’re a firework. The city only received one response to its bid for a regular explosives crazyperson, Zambelli out of Boca. The company will cover the city’s beloved July 4 patriotism combustion with two separate options: a 15-minute display for $27,500 and a 20-minute display for $35,000. That last $7,500 five minutes should actually include a virtual sex scene made out of twinkling lights, but it probably won’t.

Item: The city approves the use of the National Association of State Procurement Officials (NASPO – lead agency, state of Oklahoma) Contract #SW300, awarded to Physio-Control Inc. for five Lifepak defibrillator/monitor units.

Translation:Inevitably, fireworks lead to heart attacks. It’s just a reality in the PTSD world of broken people. Fortunately, the city has been on the long path toward updating its broken down lifesaving machine-fleet via an equipment replacement program. Under this agreement, the city will shell out $124,918.50 for five new defibrillators in order to make its fire department – which now handles a lot of ambulance calls – slightly more adept at shocking people back to life. Wake up!

We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
comments powered by Disqus