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COLUMN

Savage Love

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I am a 31-year-old single woman living in LA, and I’m on OkCupid. I’ve gotten a number of unicorn requests. I’ve never responded – until the other day.

One unicorn request stood out. I wrote back. They seem like cool, smart, interesting people. Their profile is funny and they’re quite attractive! And here I am, not doing anything else or anyone else … and I’m thinking … this could be cool. It could be an awesome experience. But I have some concerns.

1) Uh ... what now? I gave them my number, but I can’t say that I’m definitely a YES on this. I’m also not a no. What now? We meet for drinks? Then what?

2) I’ve never even had a one-night stand. I’ve pretty much always had boyfriends. I don’t know what my question is here, it’s just something I’ve been turning over in my head. I just don’t want to feel like a hooker! (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a sex worker!)

3) I’m not bi. I don’t say that I’m bi on my OKC profile. I cannot imagine a scenario in which I would want to put my face in someone’s twat. But I don’t think I have any issue with being on the receiving end. I’ve done the college playing-around-with-girls – topless makeouts for a boyfriend’s viewing pleasure – but nothing crazy. 

I think, if I meet them, and if it goes well, I should ask them what their thoughts are about this, if they’ve done it before, what their boundaries are, etc. I would confirm that if anyone feels uncomfortable everyone involved has the green light to call a stop to the whole thing. I’d also lay out my limitation with regard to the wife.

Should I go for it? What should I do or say?
Future Unicorn Nervously Guessing At Logistics

1) Meet, have drinks and talk, FUNGAL – and be sure to tell that nice, funny, attractive couple everything you’ve told us. And then do what any sane person would do: Fuck ’em if it feels right, don’t if it doesn’t.

2) Refuse to accept money in exchange for sex and you won’t be a sex worker. (Not that there’s anything wrong with being a sex worker.) And if you’ve only ever had sex in the context of a relationship, FUNGAL, and if you want it to stay that way, then make that clear to the nice couple. Developing a relationship with you is a requirement before you can all jump into bed together. And they’ll probably be up for it, as most couples who are out there looking for unicorns are seeking a regular, reliable third – someone they see again and again, someone they can get to know better and come to trust and rely on. A couple with a regular third that they’re emotionally invested in may not be what comes to mind when people hear the word “relationship,” but it is a relationship, and it can be a fun and rewarding one.

3) Again, tell this couple everything you’ve told us. The only reason you hesitate is that you fear rejection. Your fear is thoroughly common, completely understandable and totally irrational. I mean, think about it: The reason you’re hesitating to tell them that you’re not bisexual is that you worry you’ll be rejected. What if you’re not what they want? But if they have their hearts set on a unicorn that wants to go facedown in twat, then you’re the wrong unicorn for them. More importantly, they’re the wrong couple for you. Better to have a nice, clean, honest rejection over cocktails than to find yourself in bed being pressured to do something you don’t wanna do.
 
Straight couples looking for a bi female third call that person a “unicorn,” a mythical beast, because bi females open to playing with straight/bi couples are so damn rare. What do gay couples looking for a third call the beasts they seek?
Frustrated Longtime Unicorn Seekers Taking Early Retirement

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