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COLUMN

Savage Love

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When I hear from straight couples just starting to explore buttsecks, ANAL, it’s usually the boy who wants to “jump right in” and the girl who is afraid of getting hurt. I tell these straight boys that they are obligated to take their partner’s feelings into account – they must take it slow, they must use lots of lube, they must start with fingers and toys and plugs, etc. Those are Buttsecks Best Practices. My advice for you is the same: You are obligated to take your partner’s feelings into account. His fear of hurting you is just as valid as a woman’s fear of being hurt. So while you may not need plugs and toys for your own comfort, you should use them for his. It’s possible, of course, that his concern is misplaced – you’ve taken shits that are longer and thicker than his erect penis. But unless you’ve taken shits that have jumped out of the toilet and jammed themselves back into your ass, and then proceeded to pound away at you for 20 minutes, you really don’t know what it’s like to get butt-fucked.

I am a 43-year-old female who’s in a six-month relationship with a 26-year-old male. At first it was a FWB arrangement, but after about two months we decided to be exclusive. We explore many things that he wasn’t able to explore with younger women. But he does not orgasm from vaginal or anal sex. He comes only if he masturbates. He says he has reached orgasm only once during vaginal. He agreed to stop masturbating to see if that would help. No change. I suggested a urologist, but he’s a college student with no insurance. It’s not a big issue, but he’s going to need to be able to do this when he wants to start a family.
He Can’t Come

He can so come – he just needs to crank himself over the edge using his fist. Needing his own fist to finish may be the result of death-grip masturbation techniques, and he could retrain his dick with some time and effort. But it’s not fair to say that “he can’t come.” He can and he does. If a woman can’t come from vaginal intercourse alone, which 75 percent of women can’t, but can come during oral sex or when mixing fingers or a vibrator into vaginal intercourse, we don’t say, “She can’t come.” We say, “This is what she needs to come.”

This is what he needs to come. Maybe that will change with time, experience and some effort to mix up his masturbatory routine (get that boy a Fleshlight), but it’s possible that this is how his dick works. Women who need oral or a vibrator to climax shouldn’t be made to feel bad or be told they’re somehow damaged, and guys who need a little jack at the end shouldn’t be treated like they’re damaged either. His dick works.

When it comes time to have kids, he fucks his wife until she’s satisfied, pulls out, jacks himself past the point of no return, shoves his dick back in and blows his load all over her egg(s). No problem.

On the Lovecast, the special rage of men who can’t get laid: savagelovecast.com.

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