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Savage Love

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Congratulations, JUICED, you’re bisexual. But that may not be all you are …

“Of all of the bi guys I’ve known over the years,” gay journalist Charles Pulliam-Moore wrote in a post at Thought Catalog, “the majority of them have been what I would describe as bisexual but hetero-amorous. That is to say that while they’d certainly get into some sweaty bro-on-bro action, guys simply couldn’t provide the kind of emotional satisfaction necessary for a romantic relationship.”

So if identifying as bisexual feels dishonest, go ahead and say you’re “bi but heteroamorous,” and rest assured that you’re not the only bi guy like you out there.

I’m a 20-year-old guy in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of almost two years. Before I met him, I had a history of anonymous sex with men on Craigslist. I’ve recently been having urges to have anonymous sex again and urges that are hard to satisfy in a long-distance relationship. We tried having an open relationship but decided to stop because it left us feeling unhappy. I’m only comfortable with both of us having anonymous hookups, while my boyfriend is only comfortable hooking up with people he knows and is familiar with.
Gay Boy Problems

Unless you guys have a concrete plan that lands you in the same city soon, your best course of action is to officially break up, do whatever/whoever you wanna do, keep in touch while sparing each other the details of your (now separate and private) sex lives, and then pick up where you left off if and when you’re living in the same city.

If you can’t bear the thought of breaking up and you can’t resist your urges for immediate, real-time, in-person sexual contact, the second-best course of action is a don’t ask/don’t tell arrangement. You do whatever/whoever you wanna do (safely!), he does whatever/whoever he wants to do (safely!), while sparing each other the details.

But the way your boyfriend wants to hook up – with people he knows – discomforts you, most likely because his hookup preferences seem more threatening. A known-and-familiar hookup could easily turn into a relationship, right? True enough, but the gay world is filled with loving couples in stable, long-term relationships who met during anonymous or nearly anonymous sexual encounters, aka unknown and unfamiliar hookups. So demanding that your boyfriend adopt your preferred model of hooking up is no guarantee that he won’t meet and fall in love with someone else – and it’s no guarantee that you won’t meet and fall in love with someone else, either.

On the Lovecast: How to answer the question “Honey, should I get breast implants?” at savagelovecast.com.

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