Published: April 9, 2014
I’m an old guy, fast approaching geezerdom. After 45 years of marriage to the same woman, the sex has fallen off to zero. We otherwise have a great and comfortable relationship. If I want any at all these days, the only options are masturbation or professional service providers. I was very nervous the first time I paid for sex. Curiously and surprisingly, considering my Christian upbringing, I didn’t feel at all guilty. I now find the urge gets stronger as the body gets weaker. It seems as geezerdom takes a full hold, all I think about is pussy, and paid sex has become a regular thing. You stress honesty and communication for a long-term relationship to work. In our case, honesty would mean the end to what is now just a great friendship that provides us both with deeply satisfying companionship. I don’t want to hurt her, but revealing my outside activities would certainly do so, as she thinks men using prostitutes is disgusting.
Sin Or Salvation
Honesty and communication are important, but there are limits. No long-term relationship would survive a strict regime of full disclosure enforced with depositions taken under oath, regularly scheduled lie-detector tests, truth serums disguised as artificial coffee creamers, etc. Knowing what to omit and avoid is just as important as honesty and communication. And married people, even long-married people, get to have their own inner lives, a few secrets they take to the grave and some zones of privacy and autonomy.
But there are limits to privacy, autonomy and honesty avoidance, as well. If your inner life amounts to a double life, that’s a problem. If your secrets place your spouse at risk of grave physical or emotional harm, that’s a problem. If your zones of privacy grow so large that your spouse doesn’t know who you are anymore, that’s a problem.
But I don’t think what you’re doing is necessarily a problem, SOS. If your wife is really and truly content, then your visits to sex workers are covered by my standard advice to people in sexless but otherwise solid, loving and fulfilling marriages: Do what you gotta do to stay sane and stay married.
I’m a 23-year-old bi woman. I was in a relationship for two years with a guy my own age who was immature emotionally. The sex was really out of this world. About six months before we broke up, I met a guy who is 20 years older than me, and we bonded over a lot of mutual interests. When I broke up with my boyfriend, this fortysomething guy took it as a sign that I wanted to be with him. We’ve now been dating for four months. This guy wants to get married and have babies. I do love him – I think – but I am not physically attracted to him. I often feel angry and suffocated by his attention. I’m wondering if these feelings of annoyance and occasional icky repulsion are normal in longer-term “serious” relationships? I’m also physically aching at memories of fucking my ex. Are my desires to get back in bed with him a sign I’m not into the new guy? It seems insufferably arrogant to say that I don’t want to hurt this new guy by telling him I’m not attracted to him, but after six months of being lovers, he would be shocked and angry. Should I do the brutally honest thing, or do I lie about why we’re breaking up to protect his ego?
Superficial And Prevaricating
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