Published: April 2, 2014
OK, NCA, let’s say you’ve explored your feelings and you’ve decided that you don’t want to keep seeing Marcus. Does that make you a bigot?
“It’s OK to have a preference – no judgment there,” said Levasseur. “If trans guys are not her thing, no harm done. I would just hope she is kind when she lets Marcus go.”
Levasseur wanted to close with a message to any trans men reading this:
“To the Marcuses of the world who will read NCA’s letter and think, ‘Oh no, who will love me, who will want me?’ and see it as just another message of rejection to add to a daily list of transphobia, body shame and internalized self-loathing that fuels the staggering trans suicide attempt rate: Don’t go there. Trans men are hot and deserve to be loved for the amazing men they are. They did not have their masculinity handed to them. They earned it – often through journeys that take unbelievable resilience and courage. An intentional man. The full package. And we deserve not to settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate our bodies or our histories. Find someone who wants the full you.”
Follow M. Dru Levasseur on Twitter @DruLawyer. Learn more about the Jim Collins Foundation at jimcollinsfoundation.org.
I’m a longtime reader, but this is my first time posing a dilemma to you. I’m a 32-year-old pansexual woman. I date a lot of people and have recently started seeing a 22-year-old het male. He’s in a serious (but open) relationship with a 26-year-old woman. He’s asked me if I’m into playing around with both of them in the near future. I’m into it on principle (who wouldn’t want to fuck a girl and a guy at the same time?!?), but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea. I haven’t met the girl yet, but she sounds cool from what I’ve heard. I’d like to do it, but I don’t want to deal with awkwardness, or have their relationship suffer as a result of playing together. What do you suggest?
Toronto Poly Virgin
Who wouldn’t want to fuck a girl and a guy at the same time? I wouldn’t, TPV, as I’m gay, gayer, gayest. But I don’t see why you wouldn’t jump at the chance. Could this three-way end awkwardly? Of course it could. But billions and billions of two-ways have ended awkwardly over the centuries, and that fact didn’t stop you from having a two-way with this 22-year-old het male, right? The addition of a third person may mean a 33 percent greater chance of someone feeling awkward after the three-way is over, but there is a 100 percent chance of having a three-way, TPV, and that is awesome.
I’m sure you’ve received a million emails about this, but the correct answer, according to my wife (who was raised Baptist but – thank God – is Baptist no longer!): A Methodist will say “Hi” when they see you in the liquor store.
Just Thought You Should Know
Thanks for sharing, JTYSK, and send my love to the wife.
This week on the Lovecast, how to come out as polyamorous to your children: savagelovecast.com.
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