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COLUMN

Savage Love

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Here’s what you should say to your boyfriend: “You’ve got some growing up to do, and I’ve got some eating pussy to do. I don’t want to end our relationship, but I’m moving out when our lease is up.” If your boyfriend breaks up with you, IQAH, it’s probably for the best – and it may not be forever. If he does dump you for purely defensive reasons, then he didn’t really want to dump you at all, right? So once the shock wears off and his anger subsides, your boyfriend may decide that having you in his life is more important than having you all to himself.

During my last relationship, I finally got to explore the kinkier side of my libido. My partner and I went to pro doms and sex clubs, and I got to watch my buddy fuck her. While the relationship was ill-fated, sex was not the problem. One year and some heartache later, I’m ready to date. But I don’t want a vanilla sexual relationship again. My problem is, I don’t know how to integrate this into my dating life. People ask to set me up, and I keep turning them down ’cause I feel like I don’t want to get involved with someone unless I know that we’re sexually compatible. And yet, I feel some internal angst about using Fetlife or similar sites for dating, as if somehow I’m making sex paramount.
Nervously Avoiding Intriguing Vanilla Entanglements

Sexual compatibility is hugely important, NAIVE, and prioritizing it doesn’t make you a bad person. But the choice you’ve laid out for yourself – dating only kinksters you meet on Fetlife or nice girls your friends set you up with – is a false one. Date both. You’ll have to establish emotional compatibility with a woman you meet via Fetlife, or sexual compatibility with a woman you meet via real life. Fetlife or real life, there’s some work to do at the start of any new relationship.
And don’t assume that a woman you meet through friends is gonna be vanilla. She met you through friends, and you’re not vanilla, right? It’s a bad idea to give someone a laundry list of your kinks on the first date, as no one – kinky or vanilla – finds that kind of emotional cluelessness attractive. Just say this when the conversation turns to sex: “I’m pretty sexually adventurous.” There’s a good chance you’ll get a “me, too” in response.

On the Lovecast, Dan finally enlists advice from an actual ethicist at savagelovecast.com.

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