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COLUMN

Savage Love

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Did you see Louis C.K.’s most recent comedy special? He does this bit about schlumpy guys who don’t have much luck with women when they’re young. “I like getting older,” he says, “because for me, the kind of guy I am, getting older makes my life better. My sex life? Way better at 45 … I’d like to make one of those ‘It Gets Better’ ads for dumpy young guys. We could use a little help, a little encouragement.”

Louis C.K.’s advice for you: “Stay relatively employed and washed; you’re going to be amazing in your 40s. You’re going to be the branch that she can grab before she hits the ground. It’s going to be so great. It just takes time for her circumstances to match your looks. When real shit matters, you’re going to be the sexiest motherfucker in the world.”

My advice for you: Keep working on your depression, throw yourself into nonsexual pursuits that you enjoy, find a job you like and build a career, locate and patronize (and overtip) an independent sex worker (which can help you learn to interact with women) and don’t allow bitterness to ruin you for all those women you’re gonna get with in your 40s.

Love you, Dan, but I expected a little bit more from you in your response to ERR, a restaurant manager who was attempting to advise a “Mexican” employee who was having romantic problems. Unless the word Mexican was used to describe a hardworking, loyal, honest, eager worker, I’m not sure how it was in any way germane to the story.

When reading your response, I was surprised you didn’t address this with ERR. I’m not sure what being Mexican has to do with this issue at all. On some levels, ERR including it, or you not addressing it, seems to underlie, and subliminally support, some people’s predisposed views. Here’s a fun exercise. Replace the word Mexican with the word “black” in ERR’s question. Now try Jew. Now try Russian … French … Italian … Thousand Islands? (Kidding, but this is a restaurant we’re talking about.) See how the descriptor of the person can change the feel of the story, without it actually being in any way part of it? Care to comment? �Por favor?
Tim In Toronto

A lot of immigrants from Mexico work in restaurants in the United States. Having worked in restaurants myself, and having worked with a lot of Mexican immigrants, I thought the detail was germane for this reason: New or relatively new residents are often baffled by our strange sexual mores, which can include married ladies sleeping with restaurant workers who aren’t their husbands. (This never happens in Mexico, of course, because Mexican wives are loyal and honest and eager.) And during my years in the restaurant industry, I witnessed many decent and kind restaurant managers help their Mexican employees – some of whom were struggling not just with cultural barriers but also with language barriers – navigate the strange and unfamiliar social, political and sexual mores, norms and expectations they were encountering in the United States. So the detail struck me as both relevant and benign.

On the Lovecast, why divorce rates are so high among religious conservatives: savagelovecast.com.

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