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COLUMN

Savage Love

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I am an 18-year-old pansexual girl in a relationship with a guy. We get along great, our friends like us together, yada yada yada. He wants to do the waiting until marriage thing for sex. I’m cool with that, less pressure in the relationship. He wants to do this for religious reasons, which I mostly agree with. We met in youth group, after all. Here is the real kink. I lost the big V about a year ago. He knows about that, isn’t happy about it, but is willing to date me anyway.

What hasn’t really come up is the subject of porn and masturbation. Back to the religious reasons: He doesn’t do either (or won’t fess up to them) and doesn’t approve. I, however, do both. Especially since my breakup (and thus no more sex) last year, I’ve come to rely on masturbating to take care of my sexual needs. The porn I am willing to forgo, but I don’t want to give up pleasuring myself. This guy knows nothing. He has talked about how we ought to “keep ourselves pure.” Is there any good way to communicate to him that I’m not going to give up masturbating without him going crazy? It took long enough just to show him I wasn’t the spawn of Satan because I like girls as much as I like guys. Should I just go along with his standards and try giving up masturbation? Or should I not tell him what I do in the privacy of my own bedroom?
Mismatched On Sex

The best way to communicate to this boy that you aren’t gonna give up masturbation is to break the fuck up with him. Your boyfriend is essentially forcing you to pick between him or masturbation, and the choice is obvious: Masturbation is a pleasurable friend that doesn’t judge you or shame you, and your boyfriend is an unpleasant, sex-negative, controlling, judgmental scold. DTMFA.

Then after you’ve enjoyed a few dozen celebratory guilt-free orgasms, ask yourself why you wasted even two minutes of your precious pansexual time on a guy with whom you’re clearly not sexually compatible. You’re pansexual! Somewhat sexually experienced! You masturbate! You enjoy porn! I could understand you dating a guy who was a virgin and wanted to remain sexually inactive for now, but dating someone you had to talk out of seeing you as the spawn of Satan? Dating someone you have to lie to about something as common and healthy as masturbation? Not worth it. You want to be with someone who likes you and wants to be with you, and this boy doesn’t like you. Why on earth do you like him?

I’m a 24-year-old straight male and I’m unattractive. Physically I’m not bad, but I’ve suffered from extreme depression all my life. I’ve gotten help, and it’s made me a little better, to the point where I’m functional. But low self-esteem and lethargy aren’t exactly the best things for attracting the opposite sex. My sex life is poor, and my love life is nonexistent. I’ve never felt romantic chemistry with a woman ever, and I’m honestly losing any faith that it will ever happen. I’ve always tried to respect women, but my inability to attract them sometimes leaves me feeling resentful. I don’t want to become a bitter men’s rights activist, so I’m wondering if you have any advice.
Unattractive Guy Longingly Yearns

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