Published: January 22, 2014
So your regular third with the big cock is nice, open-minded and STI-free. Sounds great, CREAMPIE, but how can you be certain about the STI-free part when you see him only three times a year? Unless he’s abstinent the rest of the year, or unless you test before each of your threesomes, there’s some risk here.
You also describe your regular third as “respectful,” and that’s great. We all deserve respectful sex partners. But referring to your regular third as BBC, or “big black cock,” isn’t respectful. It’s dehumanizing.
As for your problem: A man’s body releases the hormone prolactin when he comes. That particular hormone makes a man sleepy, it makes his boner deflate, and it temporarily renders him indifferent to and/or repulsed by sex. So something that sounded hot right before you came is going to be much less appealing right after you come. It’s a snatch-22, and there’s no fix.
I’m 45, female and married to a smart, funny, intelligent 50-year-old man. We’ve been together nine years, married seven. The sex was good for the first year and then dropped off to nothing. He says, “I’ve had plenty of sex in my life. I’m just not interested anymore.” During my first marriage, the sex was so bad that I thought, “If I could find a man who loved to cuddle, I could go the rest of my life without sex.” Except now I feel more sexual than I ever have! I’ve discussed this with my husband endlessly and have mentioned open marriage, but nothing ever comes of it. Yes, he has had his testosterone checked. It’s normal. Not even going to a therapist helped. What do I do? He’s a great guy, he loves me and my grown kids unconditionally, but we are more friends/roommates than husband and wife.
Careful What You Wish For
He’s done with sex, and you’re not – so you get to fuck other people, and he doesn’t get to say anything about it. Take a lover, take two. There are tons of men out there in sexless marriages that they don’t want to end because they love their wives or they love their kids or they can’t be bothered or all of the above. Get your ass online and find one or two. If your husband is against an open marriage, tell him what he wants to hear and fuck other men regardless.
There’s an upside to herpes, courtesy of science! At savagelovecast.com.
> Email Dan Savage