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Savage Love

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You want to get engaged to this guy? Propose to him. Yes, yes: He has a penis, and traditionally the penis-havers do the proposing in Breederville. But it’s not unheard of for someone to make a marriage proposal to a man. Just ask my husband.

Hello from Hong Kong! I’m a 28-year-old gay guy living happily with my boyfriend. My sexual interests have always been men, but a few months ago, I stumbled across femdom porn on the Internet. Images of submissive men under the control of dominant women are so fascinating to me that I have been masturbating three times a day watching femdom porns. I have never been interested in straight porn or fucking someone without a cock, and I have no experience in BDSM at all. I fantasize about being dominated and humiliated by a woman. I began looking at pro-dom ads on the Internet and I hesitate to see one. I love my boyfriend, and emotionally we connect, but my femdom fantasy has become a taboo between us. My questions: Is seeing a pro dom considered cheating on my boyfriend? Should I go see a pro dom and keep it a secret? How can I talk to my boyfriend about my new sexual interest?

Gay Man Seeks Lady Dom

If your boyfriend considers it cheating, then it’s cheating. But I nevertheless think you should see a pro dom for a no-sex domination session. You might find the reality of being abused by a dominant woman less arousing than the fantasy, so a single session could snap you out of it. And if it doesn’t? Then you need to have a talk with your boyfriend about your evolving sexual identity, your newly discovered kinks and whether you can have him and your femdom fantasies and/or realities, too. Good luck.

I’m a straight 18-year-old girl, and I have been dating my boyfriend for eight months. He recently told me that he wishes we never had sex because he feels like he raped himself by doing it. He has had some bad sexual experiences in the past, but he has initiated almost all of our sexual activity. He says he has problems and a low sense of self-worth. I told him that we can take it slow, but I’m not sure he’s ever going to be all right with sexual things. He said that he doesn’t mind if I get sex from other people, but I want to help him understand that he’s a good person and that sex isn’t a bad thing. How do I do this?

My Sad Boyfriend

Your boyfriend doesn’t need a girlfriend. What he needs is loving, concerned friends (you could be one) and a trained, competent therapist (you are not one). If having a girlfriend with sexual interests and needs traumatizes your boyfriend, then he shouldn’t have a girlfriend with sexual interests and needs. If he’s a miserable, game-playing jerk who likes to make other people miserable, and he’s discovered that playing the victim after sex (that he enjoyed) makes his girlfriend miserable, then you shouldn’t have him.

This holiday season, send the Savage Lovecast as a gift! Find it at savagelovecast.com.

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