What's Hot
MOST READ
What's Going On

Calendar

Search thousands of events in our database.

Restaurants

Search hundreds of restaurants in our database.

Nightlife

Search hundreds of clubs in our database.

loading...

OW on Twitter
OW on Facebook
Print Email

COLUMN

Savage Love

Photo: , License: N/A


My girlfriend always responds positively when I initiate sex, but she hardly ever initiates. I’m a no-beat-around-the-bush kind of guy, but I don’t want to scare her by saying, “Please initiate sex more often!” So I do small things to let her know I want her to initiate. I will lotion up in front of her after we shower. Or I’ll say something like “I wanted to fuck last night – maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” It hasn’t worked. The only time she’ll initiate is if I haven’t initiated and she’s sexually frustrated. That can take days!
Girlfriend Rarely Initiates Naked Dance

Wow, GRIND, your girlfriend is pretty fucking dense. I’m surprised she remembers to breathe in her sleep. I mean, she’s seen you smearing lotion on yourself after showering and somehow didn’t realize that you wanted her to start initiating sex once in a while? Amazing. A boyfriend smearing lotion on himself – who doesn’t know what that means? Um. Yeah. No.
Sorry, GRIND, but you’re the dense one. “I wanted to fuck last night – maybe you can wear one of your sexy bras and thongs one day soon?” does not auto-translate to “Please initiate sex more often.” The likely takeaway from that statement is “I wanted to fuck last night, but the granny panties/hazmat Spanx you wear were such a turnoff that I couldn’t get it up. You suck at this girlfriend shit.”
You want your girlfriend to initiate sex more often? Tell her. Trust me, that straightforward request will display more sensitivity to your girlfriend’s feelings than a potentially confidence-shredding statement like “Hey, I wanted to fuck last night but you wore the wrong panties.”
But even if you’re straight with her, GRIND, things are unlikely to change. She initiates when she’s horny/sexually frustrated, but she obviously has a lower libido than you. Your desire for her cranks her up, so she’s good to go when you initiate. But she’s satisfied with less sex and is unlikely to feel the urge to initiate as often as you would like her to regardless.

I’m a 21-year-old female college student going to school on the East Coast. Two days ago, I broke up with my manipulative, controlling, insecure, long-distance boyfriend of one year. I truly care for him, but I need to live my life the way I want to, and that wasn’t possible with him. The problem is, he’s been leaving voicemails, texting and emailing me threatening suicide. I’ve told his mother, but she doesn’t take it seriously. I feel horrible, but I don’t want to talk to him because I refuse to get sucked back in. How can I deal with this serious threat?
Single And Worried

Your ex-boyfriend’s mom presumably knows her son better than you, SAW, and she isn’t taking his threats seriously. So it’s possible he has a history of manipulating people with idle suicide threats to get what he wants. But if you’re worried – maybe his mother is neglectful and/or nuts – you might want to listen to Episode 364 of the Savage Lovecast (savagelovecast.com). I took a question from a man whose girlfriend threatened suicide when he tried to dump her. Jill Harkavy-Friedman of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention had some excellent advice. Summing it up: Alert his friends/relatives, pass the AFSP’s hotline number (1-800-273-TALK) to them and to the person making the threat. Also: Don’t respond to his texts or voicemails, consider blocking him and forward any worrying emails to his mother.

We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
comments powered by Disqus