Published: September 25, 2013
“It’s pretty rare, but yes, it happens,” said Debby Herbenick, a sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute, a frequent guest expert for Savage Love and the only woman who has ever chased me around a room with a vulva puppet.
When a woman doesn’t have an exposed clitoral glans, “there’s usually other genital parts that haven’t developed or have developed in atypical ways,” said Herbenick. “But there have been a few case reports in which the women had other typically developed genital parts – labia, etc. – while the clitoris alone is missing or very small. Some of these women report erotic sensation in the clitoral area.”
Should your girlfriend talk to a doctor?
“I haven’t seen this woman’s genitals specifically,” said Herbenick, “but sometimes there is atrophy or even ‘coverage’ of the clitoris (for example, the hood fuses over the glans partially or completely) due to vulvar skin disorders such as lichen sclerosus. Some children have LS, and often it goes undiagnosed for years and, without treatment, her clitoral hood could have fused over the glans. A dermatologist or gynecologist knowledgeable about vulvar dermatoses could look into this possibility via a very small biopsy.” (Doctors with expertise in vulvar health can be found through issvd.org.)
My girlfriend and I have a vibrant relationship. Sex is great and adventurous when we have it, but I have one small issue that clouds up the sexual chemistry and turns me into a somber theologian: Since the earliest days of my childhood, I was told by my family that abortion was a horrible, horrible thing. And that thought has complicated my relationships. I simply don’t know how to get past this thought and indulge my partner and myself sexually without feeling uncertain about the possible outcome of our getting funky. I feel awful that my girlfriend has to deal with this moral panic of mine, and I’m sick of putting her through it. Help!
Bummed About Bad Experiences
Some suggestions: Use a hormonal birth control method and a condom and pull out before you come. Don’t have penis-in-vagina intercourse, e.g., stick to oral sex, mutual masturbation and doing her in the butt (if being done in the butt is something your girlfriend enjoys). Deposit a few loads at a sperm bank, keep ’em on ice until you want kids and get a vasectomy.
Or, hey, you could learn more about abortion while continuing to act responsibly, i.e., using birth control and condoms. Abortion is not a horrible, horrible thing. It is a medical, medical thing.
This week on the Savage Lovecast, the appalling crisis of homeless LGBT youth, at savagelovecast.com
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