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COLUMN

Savage Love

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I am a 22-year-old heterosexual female. I may possibly be bi, but I don’t know. I really like the dick, but I am attracted to women and fantasize about fucking a pretty woman with a strap-on. I asked my boyfriend of a year if I could live out my fantasy, but he said he doesn’t want me “fucking another woman like a man.” I asked if maybe I could do this to him instead, but he said no. I like BDSM, but the most he’ll do is hold my arms down and spank me. I’ve asked for other things – bondage, nipple clamps, paddles, etc. – but he says that stuff takes too much time and the bother of it “kills the mood.” I offered to set up stuff beforehand – ropes already tied to the corners of the bed, for instance – but he doesn’t want me to do that because “what if someone saw it.” Am I just being inconsiderate and selfish? Maybe I’m asking too much, but I felt that I was beyond honest about all of this before we started dating. My ex-husband was never OK with any of this, either, and would call me a freak when I opened up about my desires – so I made sure not to hide them from my current boyfriend when we met. Now what am I supposed to do? Just drop it? Or should I talk to him? How do I talk to him?
Confused And Sexually Denied

Yes, you should drop it – and by “it” I mean “him.”
You wasted five years on a man who couldn’t meet your needs and sex-shamed you about your perfectly ordinary, average kinks. You’ve been with this new guy a year, and he’s revealed himself to be just as lazy, inconsiderate, and sex-shamey as your ex. DTMFA. There are tons of guys out there who would 1) be happy to indulge your kinks; and 2) make lovely boyfriends and/or husbands. Go find one – or two or three or four.

On the Savage Lovecast, it’s Bible study time with nondouchey Christian John Shore at savagelovecast.com.

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