Published: August 28, 2013
Before we talk about your boobs and what you can do about your asshole boyfriend, can we talk about my husband’s ass for a second?
It’s a spectacular ass, and I love to grab it. But my husband doesn’t like to be grabbed in certain ways, in certain places or at certain times. So I don’t grab his ass in those ways, in those places or at those times. Because that spectacular ass of his? It’s his ass, not my ass, and he gets to decide when, where and how it gets grabbed, touched, fingered, fucked, spanked, etc. Because he’s my partner, not my possession.
Those boobs of yours? They’re yours, and you need to communicate to your boyfriend that there are times when you want him to grab your boobs and times when you don’t want him to grab your boobs. Don’t make the mistake of framing this conversation around his feelings. You are not “bringing it up” to see how to come to some sort of understanding or compromise. You’re bringing it up to set a limit. And once that limit is set, don’t put up with the boob grabbing. If he leans in to grab your boob, move away, slap his hand, blast him with pepper spray – whatever it takes, in other words, to communicate your displeasure in an unambiguous manner. If he gets offended, let him. If he stays offended, leave him.
I’m a 46-year-old homo who’s fairly content most days living the single life. Since coming out when I was 20, I’ve been in a series of failed relationships and single for the last 10 years. I’m convinced I never really learned how to flirt. I get all tripped up when I see a PYT who I want to talk to. Add to the mix that I was diagnosed in ’91 as poz. I’m so afraid of rejection that I don’t even try anymore. I’m good-looking, outdoorsy, adventurous and free-spirited. I’m not afraid of exploring caves or rappelling off cliffs, but I’m a total wimp when it comes to interacting with a potential mate. I know there are younger guys who are attracted to older guys like myself. I’d love some advice on how to increase my mojo regarding flirting and dating.
Doing It Really Trepidatiously
Nothing will boost your dating mojo like getting laid, and that won’t happen if you don’t force yourself to take risks and talk to the next PYT – pretty young thing – who catches your eye. Lots of twenty and thirtysomething PYTs are poz themselves, DIRT, and lots of negative guys are willing to date poz guys. Putting yourself out there may result in some unpleasant rejection from jerks who are freaked out by your HIV status – but you don’t want to date jerks, right?
On the Savage Lovecast, proper “slutiquette” and how to wean your boyfriend off “The Nipple Thing” at savagelovecast.com.
> Email Dan Savage