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Savage Love

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Here’s what BDSM author, educator and activist Jay Wiseman has to say about choking in his book SM 101: A Realistic Introduction: “I know of no way whatsoever that suffocation or strangulation can be done that does not intrinsically put the recipient at risk of cardiac arrest … I know of no reliable way to determine when such a cardiac arrest becomes imminent. If the recipient does arrest, the probability of resuscitating them, even with optimal CPR, is small.”
Even if choking weren’t dangerous – posts about people accidentally killing themselves during solo choking scenes appear on fetish blogs with depressing regularity – being this woman’s boyfriend/assailant has to be tedious. Even if choking were safe, THROTTLE, you need to ask yourself if you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone who’s as inconsiderate, selfish and sexually limited as your girlfriend seems to be.

I am a 29-year-old lesbian. My best friend has an incredibly hot sister to whom I am very attracted. Let’s call her Gladys. Gladys is about 10 years older than me and happily married to a man. We talk about life on Facebook and text each other frequently. Recently, things have gotten a bit more flirtatious. I am dying to say to her, “I am super-attracted to you, and I don’t want to assume anything about your agreements with your hubby. If you ever want to explore your sexuality with a girl, I would love to be that girl.” It seems like a delicate situation. I love my best friend’s entire family. I love their mom. I have spent holidays at their house and vacationed with them. I don’t want to embarrass myself. But I know she couldn’t ask me that same thing. It just wouldn’t be right from her side, since I am her little sister’s best friend. Is there a way to roll this out?
Lesbian Under Straight Tease

Let’s do a quick risk/reward analysis, LUST. By hitting on this woman, you’re risking your relationship with your best friend, your best friend’s sister, your best friend’s mom and all future family holiday/vacation invites for the potential reward of getting into the pants of your best friend’s hot married older sister once or twice. Seems like a lot to risk if you ask me, LUST, and you did. That said, there are a lot of married bi women out there. But if Gladys has an open relationship with her husband – or if they’re actively searching for a unicorn – it would be better if they made the first move. So keep flirting and live in hope.

A girl I worked with introduced me to your podcast a couple of months ago. You must get this e-mail (or
variations on it) all the time, but I wanted to say thank you for the Savage Lovecast. It has made me feel a lot more comfortable about some of the things I like to do, consensually, with my loving GGG boy. My girlfriends sometimes turn their noses up at some of the sexual stuff I’ve tried or mentioned being interested in trying. The calls and guest experts on your podcast make me feel so much more normal, and my boyfriend loves that I’ve recently become a lot more open about the things I want to do. I don’t have a question, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate what you and the tech-savvy at-risk youth do every week.
Eager Nice Girl Living In Scottish Highlands

Thanks for the lovely note, ENGLISH, and tell your boyfriend I said hello. And remember, dear readers, if you’re not listening to my weekly podcast – check out our brand-new site at savagelovecast.com – you’re not getting your full weekly dose of Savage Love.

Dan’s new book, American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics, is available now!

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