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COLUMN

Savage Love

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I’m a 40-year-old gay man who has his life fairly together (career, home, etc.). But I’ve never had a LTR. I’ve dated this guy “D” three times, and I broke it off three times. I feel like such an ass. I’m attracted to D, he is sweet, hot and funny, but he’s obviously gay. I worry that my mom might not like him – she has made snide comments about obviously gay guys “advertising it” – and I am very close to my mom. D and I have started hanging out again, and we are having fun. He is not mad at me. The plan is to just hang out, and I just don’t know WTF I am doing. Should I just see how things go?
Messed Up Dude

Let me see if I’ve got this straight, MUD: You like D, you’re into D and D is sweet and hot and funny. But you’ve dumped D three times because your mommy wouldn’t approve, and you’re really close to your mommy … and you’re worried that D is the gay stereotype in this relationship?

I am a 23-year-old female devotee of disabled men. I have a strong desire to be with men with all types of disabilities, but I mostly gravitate toward severe CP and quadriplegics. But my passions in life involve travel, sports, my bike, camping, overseas disaster aid and a whole load of other things that are made either difficult or impossible when you can’t walk. I have always dated able-bodied men as a result. I would feel guilty fucking a disabled guy – I would see an “expiration date” on our relationship. Would it be wrong for me to seek out disabled guys just for sex? I don’t feel guilt for my sexuality being what it is, but I do feel guilty when I think about using disabled men for sex.
Some Chick Who Likes Wheels

Maybe you should let disabled men decide for themselves if they want to be used for sex. Some won’t mind, just as some gay guys don’t mind being used for sex by bisexual and/or closeted guys who aren’t interested in dating other men, just fucking them. Disabled adults are adults, and they’re free to make their own choices. So long as they’re making informed choices – so long as you’re not misleading anyone to get into his pants and/or up on his wheels – you’re not doing anything wrong.

On this week’s “Savage Lovecast,” Dan talks with a former stripper about her lurking shame. Also, hear an interview with Daniel Bergner, author of the book What Do Women Want? about what women want, all at savagelovecast.com.

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