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COLUMN

Savage Love

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I am a 28-year-old married straight man. I have a lot of confusion regarding my sexual orientation and gender identity, and I am in therapy. My question for you is about my current self-pleasuring routine. I get high and watch “sissy self-hypnosis” videos. These videos consist of text, pictures and subliminal suggestions aimed at hypnotizing straight men into some kind of “mind control” sex slavery. Some are about cuckolding and femdom; some are about being brainwashed into sucking cock. It’s all done in a really amateurish and (hopefully) ineffective way. Am I destroying my brain here?
Man Wondering About Hypnosis

I haven’t encountered any glassy-eyed straight guys wandering around my gay neighborhood offering to suck cock, so I’m thinking these videos are ineffective. They sound like a harmless way for an otherwise healthy, stable straight guy to fantasize about ceding his power and privilege to people the culture taught him to regard as weak and inferior, i.e., women and fags. That said, it doesn’t sound like you’re an otherwise healthy, stable straight guy. You’re confused about your sexual orientation and gender identity, and you’re working on those issues with a shrink. That being the case, I think you might wanna avoid these videos for the time being.

I always told myself that I would forgive my husband if he cheated on me. Well, he had an affair for eight months. He also blew through our savings and racked up considerable credit-card debt. The college fund we started for our two children is gone. He spent all of the money on fancy dinners, expensive gifts and incredible vacations for his girlfriend. I am so angry, I can’t imagine staying. My husband ended the affair and wants desperately to save our marriage. As much as it pains me to subject my kids to divorce, I don’t know if I can commit to him again. Is the best option to DTMFA?
Heartbroken

Sexual infidelity is one thing – and it’s a relatively common thing (so people should go into marriage prepared to work through it) – but we’re not talking about one thing here. We’re talking about a whole series of betrayals. Your husband betrayed you sexually and financially. He stole from you. He stole from his own children.
Now, I can understand thinking with your dick (because I have a dick), and we can all imagine a circumstance in which we might succumb to temptation (because we all experience temptation). But I cannot even begin to wrap my head around how someone could spend his own children’s college fund – in addition to his family’s savings (and taking on debt!) – on gifts, trips, and meals for his piece-of-shit on the side. (Not all “other women” are pieces of shit, but anyone who would allow her married lover to spend that kind of money on her in eight months is a flaming piece of shit.)
DTMFA.
It’s advice, H, not binding arbitration. You are free to make up your own mind. And while I couldn’t see staying if I were in your shoes, I could see myself meeting with a marriage counselor a few times before pulling the plug – for the sake of the kids.

This week on the Savage Lovecast, Dan reveals the secret of how to get straight women to dive into casual sex, and Lindy West talks about men who think your vagina is disgusting: savagelovecast.com.
Dan’s new book – 
American Savage: Insights, Slights, and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics – is available now.

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