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COLUMN

Savage Love

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And if you’re one of the 10 percent of phimosis sufferers whose case doesn’t improve through preputial gymnastics?

“Then he should break out the Manischewitz for his impending bris,” said Dr. King.

I have rarely ever been able to have an orgasm during intercourse. The few times it happened, I was stimulating my clit. But I think my body is used to clitoral orgasms without a penis thrusting inside my vagina. Recently, I started mixing pot and sex. I’ve been a pot smoker for years but never thought to have sex on pot before. It is incredible! Marijuana relaxes my body and heightens my senses so that when my BF and I have sex, I come! And come and come – and I squirt, which I have NEVER done before! When we have sex without smoking, the sex is still great, but I don’t orgasm like I do when I’m high. I feel like I need weed to orgasm the way I want to. Before I dated my BF, I smoked pot only once a month or so. Now I’m doing it once a week at least. My sex life is finally amazing AND fulfilling. Three questions: 1) Does this sound like a huge problem? 2) Should I be worried? 3) What do you suggest?
Blazing Orgasms Newly Gained

1) It does sound like a problem – a problem that’s been solved.
2) Not if you live in Colorado or Washington State, BONG, where voters legalized pot use in last November’s election.
3) A vaporizer.

I am in a great relationship with a very sexy and open-minded woman. Recently we were talking about likes and dislikes, and she mentioned “role-play scenes.” This sent me into a little bit of a panic since this is something I’ve never engaged in. However, since I am more on the dominant side in our relationship, I’d rather not ask her a lot of questions. I want to seem imaginative to her and not just copy what other men have done. Do you have any ideas about role-play scenarios – especially ones that could be initiated by a man?
Apprehensive About Role Play

I have plenty of ideas about role-play scenarios that could be initiated by a man, AARP, but sexual pleasure is highly subjective – one gay man’s hot role-play scenario is likely someone else’s nightmare scenario.

Some people have a hard time talking about their kinks. Just saying the words “I’m into role-play” or “I want to try bondage” is such a struggle that a nervous kinkster is emotionally exhausted after the big reveal. The kinkster feels like she’s done the hard part – she said “role-play” or “bondage” out loud! – and her partner should do the rest of the work, i.e., make their fantasies come true without asking them to talk about it anymore. But you can’t fly blind into someone else’s sexual fantasies. If she’s turned on by something mild like a sexy-cop-and-speeding-driver role-play scenario, surprising her with a serial-killer-and-his-terrified-victim role-play scenario is likely to backfire.

She’s going to have to give you more information, and you’re going to have to let go of the notion that being the Dom means not asking questions. A dominant’s first job is to ask questions and find out what his submissive wants to experience. The trick is to give her what she wants while building in small surprises and gradually, over time, pushing into new territories together.

But you’re going to have to ask her more questions, and she’s going to have to answer them. If she’s too shy to talk about her kinks face-to-face, have the convo over email.

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