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COLUMN

Savage Love

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I’m a straight guy who recently got out of a long-term relationship. Best sex of my life: Physically, she rocked my world. Unfortunately, she rocked my world mentally, too. It was a toxic relationship for both of us, but we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. We ended things a few months ago. I finally feel ready to date again, and last week I met this drop-dead gorgeous girl. Intelligent, successful, positive – an unbelievable catch. She even pursued me! But there is just one thing, and it’s killing me: She is a skinny girl. In the past, I’ve always dated women with curves. Am I objectifying women’s bodies here? Am I fetishizing curvy girls too much? What is my dick thinking here?
My Dick, My Annoyance

The dick wants what it wants. That said, sometimes the dick wants more than the guy attached to it realizes. You may discover, once you start fucking around with this girl, that your dick must have curves and this girl is just too skinny for you. Or you may discover that you want her so bad that your dick can make the leap for her alone, i.e., she’s the lone exception to your curvy-girl rule. Or you may discover, as so many men have discovered before you, that your dick wants more than one narrow type. Sometimes it takes meeting someone wonderful who isn’t the ideal you’ve locked onto to realize that your dick was into more than one thing, but your brain – your bigger and more powerful sex organ – was shutting your dick down.
Here’s hoping your dick surprises you, MDMA.

I’m a 23-year-old bi female from Vancouver, BC, and I’ve been heavily sub-identified since I started having sex nine years ago. (Don’t worry – the age of consent was 14 then!) But lately, with the helpful guidance of my lovely boyfriend, I’ve been realizing I have a very pronounced dom streak. Do you have any pointers on starting out? I read The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, and it was helpful, but I was wondering if you had any tips. I’m pretty uncomfortable topping my boyfriend – he’s always been the top, and I’m nervous about doing it wrong.
Another Novice Top

Give yourself permission to do it “wrong,” ANT. I don’t mean “wrong” in the accidentally-injure-or-kill-the-boyfriend sense of doing BDSM wrong. I mean “wrong” in the go-your-own-way sense. You’ll be less nervous about topping if you relax and give yourself permission to be yourself, i.e., nervous and inexperienced, a little awkward in your new role. Remember: You don’t have to be the perfect snarling dominatrix the very first time you pick up a crop. You don’t have to be a snarling dominatrix ever, if that’s not who you want to be. Check out the wonderful Beyond the Valley of the FemDoms – beyondthevalleyofthefemdoms.tumblr.com – for some insight on being your own dominant woman, not some FemDom porn cliché. Good luck!

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