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COLUMN

Savage Love

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There are no gay strip clubs in Seattle, I'm sorry to say. You can blame the Washington State Liquor Control Board for that sad fact. Adults in Seattle can look at naked people or they can have a drink, but they can't have a drink while looking at naked people. While there's enough demand for naked ladies in Seattle to make non-booze-servin' straight strip clubs economically viable, there isn't enough demand for naked boys to make gay strip clubs economically viable. (And people have tried.) There is, however, a great gay strip club in Portland, Ore., called Silverado. If gay strippers are a must, plan a road trip as well as a bachelor party.

My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married, and I am incredibly excited about marrying this awesome dude. My problem is that my ideal engagement ring is something that looks nice but is cheap. Seriously, a $50 ring would be perfect. I don't want something expensive because it'll make me paranoid about losing it/having it stolen, and I'd rather use the money for something else, like a house. However, my guy wants to spend about a grand on an engagement/wedding ring set. Given his income, this is far from an outrageous expense, but I'd still rather have my $50 cubic zirconia. I've talked with him about this, and we joke about how the stereotypical roles are reversed here, but he's holding fast. Any ideas how I might be able to get my way and make him see that he's my prize, not the jewelry?
Not A Ring Girl

The difference between the engagement ring you'd prefer and the ring set your fiancé wants to buy – $950 – ain't nothin', but it's not enough to buy a fucking house. I could see digging in your heels if he wanted to spend 20 grand on a ring. I could see going to war if he was planning to go into debt to buy you a rock. But learning to pick your battles is the secret to a happy, successful marriage, and the difference between a $50 ring and a far-from-outrageous $1,000 ring set isn't worth fighting about. You want to make him see that he's your prize? Let him have his way on this.

My brother and his new wife had a three-way with a male hotel receptionist while on their honeymoon. I don't have a problem with three-ways in theory, but I think it's wrong to have one on your fucking honeymoon. I was their best man. What am I supposed to do now?
Disgusted Big Bro

You're supposed to shut the fuck up and mind your own business – now and always.

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