Published: January 9, 2013
1) Such unions are referred to as "throuples" by gays and straights. For a picture of the inner workings of a gay throuple, check out Molly Young's profile of one in New York magazine's most recent "Sex Issue." Benny, Jason and Adrian are the men behind the popular "gipster" porn site cockyboys.com, and you can read about their home, work and sex lives at tinyurl.com/gaythrup.
2) Some gay people think throuples are odd, some think they're unremarkable and some think they're sensible. Some gay people – some dumb ones – think throuples are bad PR at a time when gay couples are fighting for the right to marry. But our fight is for equal rights, not double standards, and no one argues that straight marriage should be banned because of all the straight throuples, quadles, quintles, sextetles, etc. out there.
3) That's usually how it happens.
4) Throupledom presents unique challenges: Major life decisions require buy-in from three people; two can gang up against one during arguments; the partners who were coupled before the third came along may treat the third as a junior partner, not an equal partner, etc. But throupledom presents benefits, too: another set of hands to help around the house, another income to pay down the mortgage, another smiling face to sit on. And it's not like coupledom is a surefire recipe for success. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Yet discussions of throupledom all seem to begin with the assumption that coupledom is a more stable arrangement. I'd like to see some research comparing throuples to couples before I accept that premise.
I recently used the term "saddlebacking" to indicate the position where a man rubs his penis between his partner's ass cheeks as either foreplay or nonintercourse sex. My girlfriend, a regular reader of your column, insists that I used the term incorrectly. Did I?
Rubbed The Wrong Way
"Saddlebacking," as defined by Savage Love readers, is when two straight teens, endeavoring to preserve an evangelical girl's virginity, engage in anal intercourse. This is a thing that really happens. Since anal sex isn't really sex, according to the abstinence educators evangelical teens are exposed to, many good Christian teens rationalize that getting fucked in the ass doesn't count against a girl's virginity.
The act to which you refer – rubbing your penis between someone's ass cheeks as foreplay or as a substitute for intercourse – is known variously as frottage, outercourse, the Princeton Rub or "the pearl tramp stamp." But in Chicago, it's known as "the Cardinal George."
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