Published: January 9, 2013
I'm a straight male, 21 years old. I love women. I love women, I love having sex with women. However, in the last year, here and there, I've jerked off to transsexual porn. One night, after drinking and smoking some hash, I arranged a date with a trans sex worker. She was totally womanly, nothing manly about her, except for, you know. She licked my butt, gave me head and fingered me. I've been on the receiving end of anal play before from girls, so nothing new. But somewhere during this encounter, I became the receiving partner during anal sex. At the time, I was too fucked up to care. But the next day, I started to feel REALLY bad. She was very safe and used condoms for everything. I just can't get past the fact that I did the gayest thing a guy can do. I feel really depressed about this traumatic situation. I can't seem to enjoy my life anymore. I've even felt somewhat suicidal. (I would never kill myself – I wouldn't do that to my family and friends.) I don't regret being with a trans woman because I wanted to experiment. I've been tested since the encounter to make sure I didn't catch anything. What I regret is her sticking her thing in my butt. Can this single act make me gay?
Wrong Side Of Wild Side
Give yourself a break, WSOWS. Yes, you did the gayest thing a guy can do – you allowed someone to put a dick in your manbutt – but now you're doing the second-gayest thing a guy can do. You're being a huge drama queen about it. Repeat after me: One dick in the ass does not a gay man make. Look at it this way: The difference between having a woman's finger in your ass and having a woman's dick in your ass is a matter of degree. If the woman's finger was fine, why freak out about the woman's dick? Remember: You don't sleep with men, you're not attracted to men. You made an exception for this woman's dick because her dick is exceptional: It's attached to a woman.
Thankfully, your sex worker was conscientious and responsible and used condoms. So you didn't emerge from this encounter with anything more devastating than a touch of gay panic.
Maybe this will help: Like a lot of gay men, I had sex with a woman before I came out. I did the straightest thing a guy can do – I put my dick in a vag – and it didn't make me straight. You did the gayest thing a guy can do, but that didn't make you gay – because you're not gay, and one ride on a trans escort's dick can't change that.
I'm a married straight man. I recently spent a lovely day snorkeling with my wife in Mexico. We were grouped with three men who were obviously in a committed three-person relationship. I lacked the cojones to ask directly, but they had an extensive travel history together, lived together, everything was "we" this or that and there were various PDA pairings. They were lovely. I wish we lived in the same city, as it's hard to meet cool people who aren't exactly like you when you're married with kids. Several questions: 1) What do gay people call such a union? 2) Does the gay community think it's odd? Unremarkable? 3) How does a union like that form? A couple adds a third? 4) Do these relationships last?
Three-way Relationship Intrigues Oblivious Straights
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