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COLUMN

Savage Love

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Shared responsibility.
And you can keep having sex without pills, condoms or pregnancies. There's oral (his-and-hers), anal (ditto) and mutual masturbation (underrated). But if it's vaginal intercourse he wants, then he'll have to get used to condoms. Some women can't take hormonal birth control, and your husband is married to one.

I was watching a porno featuring a hot gay threesome. Two tops double-penetrated a bottom. The odd part: The tops shared a single condom! I'm wondering how safe this might be. It certainly doesn't seem safe.
Dubious In Phoenix

It was safe for the bottom – provided that overtaxed condom didn't burst (here's hoping they were using a more spacious, more durable female condom) – but it wasn't safe for the tops. Jamming two dicks into a single condom could result in dick-to-dick transmission of a number of sexually transmitted infections – herpes, HPV, chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc.

I am a 25-year-old straight woman.
I recently started seeing a man. The first time I slept with him, he told me that he was interested in a relationship, and I told him that I wanted to keep things purely casual. Over the next month and a half of talking to him, hanging out and having sex, I started to really like him. I was thinking about changing my mind and taking the relationship to the next level.
The last time I saw him was a week ago. He came over, we had sex, and then he mentioned he had met someone else. As he was beginning to elaborate, I told him to leave.
My anger comes from his timing. If he had told me this before we had sex, Dan, I would have been able to have a constructive conversation about this. The problem now, if I'm being completely honest with myself, is that I really like him and I don't want to stop seeing him.
A couple of questions: Do I reach out to him again? Did I overreact?
Left In The Lurch

I can understand why you were upset. You had already taken things to the "next level" in your heart – you were thinking of this guy as your boyfriend – you just hadn't gotten around to informing him about the upgrade. And you assumed that, when you did get around to letting him know, he would be delighted. Because he was the one who wanted a relationship at the beginning, right?
Unfortunately, LITL, he took you at your word when you said you weren't interested in a relationship. Keeping things "purely casual" with you meant he was free to pursue a relationship with someone else.
I can't help but wonder what he was about to say when you told him to get out. He met someone else, which wasn't a violation of your rules. Did that mean things were over between you two (which would make the timing of the last fuck an insult)? Or was he willing to pass on this other girl if you were ready for a relationship (which would make tossing him out before he could elaborate a mistake)? You probably should've heard him out.
Go ahead and reach out. Let him know that you were thinking about taking things to the next level – ughers to that phrase – before he told you about the other girl. You were starting to fall for him, you hoped he felt the same, and you were disappointed. But since he was only doing what you asked – keeping it casual – you can't fault him for keeping his options open, looking around, dating other girls, etc. And you can't fault him for failing to read your mind.
Close by telling him that you'd be open to dating – a real, noncasual relationship – if things don't work out with this other girl.

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