Is it possible for a hookup to turn into a relationship?
Published: April 26, 2012
Straight guy here. For the first time inmy life, I am with someone who understands how much my work is a part of who I am. (I travel for research and come home and agonize over writing it up.) We have a caring and affectionate relationship. She told me at the start that she has never had an orgasm and she didn't believe in masturbation. I knew then that the sex would be vanilla, but I didn't realize that a year later, it would be more vanilla and less frequent. I'm going out of my mind. In the early months, we discussed open relationships. Her view was that she wasn't interested, but if I cheated it would be fine as long as she never found out. At the time, it sounded like a trap; now it sounds like an option. Help.
Sex Too Underwhelming Can't Kontinue
Since an honest open relationship is off the table, STUCK, I'm gonna urge you to DTMFA. (I'm not saying your girlfriend is an MF - heavens no - but DTMFA is the term of art around here.) I'm thinking you'll have an easier time getting a girl who likes sex to understand how important your work is to you than you'll have getting this girl to understand how important sex is to you. You and your current girlfriend simply aren't sexually compatible, STUCK, and sexual compatibility matters when you're picking a sex partner. Duh.
I am a girl and I am stuck. My boyfriendand I have been dating for nine months, and I only recently told him I can squirt. When we would have sex before, I would tell him to stop before I came because I didn't want to squirt. Now that he knows, he thinks it's really hot that I can and wants me to do it. But I can't seem to get to that point anymore. I have a vibrator, and when I masturbate, I can squirt no problem. But even with me, or him, stimulating my clit while having sex, I just can't do it and I don't know why.
What Should I Do?
You should relax.
I'm not saying that you'll squirt the next time you fuck your boyfriend if you can just relax, WSID, but you'll get there sooner if you relax about whether or not you're squirting.
And let's remember why you weren't squirting with the boyfriend: You were worried that he might react negatively or think it was gross. Not squirting was something you were doing for him. Now that you know he's into it, you want to squirt for him.
You trained your body not to come when you were with your boyfriend, and it's going to take some time to undo that training. But if you can squirt when you masturbate alone, WSID, you can squirt with your boyfriend. And here's how you can get there: Masturbate with your boyfriend in the house but not in your room. Then do it with him in the room but not in the bed with you - and, hey, put a blindfold on him if you're self-conscious about him watching you. Then masturbate with him in the bed with you blindfolded. Then masturbate with him in the bed with you not blindfolded. Then masturbate with him in the bed and not blindfolded and touching you, then with him in the bed holding you, then with him in the bed helping you.
Relax, enjoy, have fun, and you'll get there, WSID, I promise.
The advice you gave to TUSH - the gay teenager worried because he and his boyfriend weren't any good at gay sex - isn't exclusive to the gay young'uns. Most of us don't start with the discipline of practice and communication often required for mutually successful sex. My first attempts, as a virgin male with a virgin female, were hilariously awkward. Nothing worked, nothing fit. Fifteen years later, with a combined 30 years of experience, we hooked up again for one of our best-ever sexual encounters. Please let the gay kids know they're not at all alone in this crazy game of sex. Like anything worthwhile, it takes time and effort and practice to get good at it.
Only Learning Doth Make A Notch
Thanks for sharing, OLDMAN.
> Email Dan Savage