I'm getting married in a few months, and I wouldn't be so blissfully in love if it weren't for your advice
Published: April 12, 2012
Created A Monster
You two may be experiencing – and you may be misinterpreting – a normal four-years-in decrease in the frequency of sex, or this could be one of those lulls that even couples in LTRs that don't see a drop in frequency sometimes experience. That the amount of sex you and your fiancé are having fell off steeply in the immediate wake of the “talk” may just be a coincidence.
Only time will tell, CAM, so … you'll have to give it time.
But you were right to communicate with your fiancé about your unhappiness. You get a gold star for drawing him out of his shell, sexually speaking, and he may have gotten so excited about you being up for watching trans porn, putting him in your lingerie and pegging his ass that he lost sight of your needs, wants and desires. It's possible that he's less interested in sex now that it's not all about transgender porn and gender transgression, CAM, but it's also possible that he's embarrassed for being such a thoughtless panty-wearing clod and is having a hard time getting things back in gear. You may need to draw him out yet again.
I'm getting married in a few months, and I wouldn't be so blissfully in love if it weren't for your advice. Before dating my fiancé, I was dating another guy. One night, we were watching South Park and a joke was made about golden showers. My boyfriend made a half-joking remark, and I instantly thought of a column of yours in which you said men sometimes bring up their fetishes jokingly to gauge their partner's reaction. It came out that he loved being peed on. I'm GGG, so I mulled it over and decided that I am not comfortable with that. I was able to explain that regardless of how sanitary it may be (one of his selling points!), I am not down and he deserves to be with someone who is. Couple weeks later, I started talking to my future husband, who has the same kinks as me. Thanks for teaching me that being GGG does not mean doing whatever your partner wants but to always be respectful, even if it eeks you out.
Soon To Wed
I'm glad you met the love of your life, STW, and here's hoping your new man doesn't have a secret kink that's as bad or worse – or identical to – your previous man's rather harmless kink. Yes, yes, being into golden showers, or getting off on being pissed on, is pretty kinky, as kinks go. But after a few beers, piss is just so much hot water. I'm not saying you should've gone there for your ex, if pissing on him was something you absolutely, positively couldn't bring yourself to do. All I'm saying is that most people who give piss a chance quickly realize that golden showers aren't nearly as gross and disgusting – or even golden – as they were led to believe by people who lump piss in with shit when discussing and/or freaking out about other people's kinks.
That was a great response you gave tothe woman who was concerned about her boyfriend stroking his dick and the cat at the same time. I mean, sometimes I'll start absentmindedly jerking off while watching TV, and it has absolutely nothing to do with what's on the screen. What if someone walked in and saw me beating off and Geraldo was on the screen? The two things are completely unconnected, and any reasonable person would realize that!
Not Geraldo Tonight
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