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Savage Love

I have an awesome relationship with an awesome guy.

An Enlarging Problem

There's nothing you can do to make your dick bigger. Pills only waste your money, pumps only bruise your dick. (Yes, a pump can make your dick look a little bigger, temporarily, but your temporarily bigger dick will also be a whole lot softer, and what's the use of that?) Your only options for safely exploring your big-dick fantasies are strap-ons (“Not Just for Dykes Anymore”) and “cock extenders,” i.e., hollow dildos that a guy can wear on his dick. You'll find a nice selection of cock extenders here: tinyurl.com/cockextend.

Finally, AEP, I trust that you stop when your girlfriend – or any woman – says, “Stop!” unless you and your partner have pre-agreed to have a safe word that 1) isn't “stop” but means “stop” and 2) allows her scream, “Stop!” to her heart's content.

I agree with almost everything you say, Dan, but I have one complaint: You have made several comments over the years bashing meth users! I know, I know – meth has a bad reputation. But people used to say that smoking pot caused insanity! Don't believe the hype! Being a meth addict is not good, but occasional use never hurt anyone. I only do it maybe five times a year, and unlike what you see in anti-meth ads, I'm not crazy, I don't have holes in my skin and I'm not a junkie. Instead, I'm a straight-A female student from a wealthy suburban family. You know when I really like to get some meth? Around finals, so that I have lots of extra time to study. Stop bashing meth, Dan!

Occasional Meth User

Your pot analogy is a big fail: Different drugs have different risks, to say nothing of different chemical compositions and psychotropic effects. That anti-drug crusaders overstated the dangers of marijuana to advance their anti-hippie, pro-incarceration or blatantly racist political agendas does not prove that meth is safe. Meth, unlike pot, is highly addictive. While there's no such thing as a fatal dose of pot, there is such a thing as a fatal dose of meth. And while abusing pot – and pot can be abused – makes a person lethargic and lardy, abusing meth makes a person crazy and dead.

But hey, why should you take my word about meth, college girl? What do I know about meth? It's not like I've ever used meth, right?

“Most meth addicts started out feeling like meth was the perfect fix to a ‘problem' like needing extra time to study,” says gay porn star Trenton Ducati. “I started out using meth ‘occasionally,' too. Pretty much all meth users start out that way. And it's not novel to think your life is in control, and that you've got it all together – everybody who gets addicted to meth thinks that.”

Trenton says that people who use meth – even occasionally – are the worst judges of whether they have a meth problem.

“Meth wound up taking me places that I'm sure OMU doesn't want to go,” Trenton says. “There is just no way to use meth safely. Even if she is not willing to listen to those who've come before her – and it sounds like she's not – she could at least refrain from promoting a drug that has ruined so many lives.” (Gay-porn fans – particularly fans of behind-the-scenes pics of porn shoots – can follow Trenton Ducati on Twitter: @TrentonDucati.)

And maybe you didn't learn the word “sophistry” when you were cramming for the SATs, OMU, but you might want to look it up. It's never too late to expand the ol' vocabulary – or to put down the meth pipe.

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