I'm a 21-year-old gay male
Published: February 9, 2012
Now Over Transient Bisexual Interests
First, after reading your letter, I was left wondering what would’ve gone down (you perhaps?) if the gay dude you made out with – after you tried so very, very hard to tell him you were in a relationship – didn’t have a rough beard and use too much tongue.
Second, a girlfriend who endorses your interest in crossdressing and pegging is a girlfriend who might have endorsed your interest in a boy-on-boy make-out session. If you’d had the decency to ask for her permission, you wouldn’t now be in the position of having to ask for her forgiveness.
Third, I think you should discuss this with your girlfriend, but I don’t think you must. You’re 18, you’re not married, you (briefly) kissed a boy and you didn’t like it. If you think coming clean would destroy your relationship and you’re sure it’s never going to happen again, stuff this one up your memory hole.
Fourth, if you do talk with your girlfriend, you might not wanna emphasize the beard/tongue details. Not unless you want your girlfriend wondering the same thing I did: Maybe if it had been a different guy, with a different tongue, a lot more than his tongue would’ve wound up in your mouth.
I (middle-aged, married, straight guy) recently attended a boring business conference where I ran into an old friend (middle-aged, married, straight guy). He came to my room for a moment, noticed a camera on a small tripod on the desk, and asked what I was shooting. Emboldened by a few beers, I told him about my hotel room routine: shoot myself naked and masturbating then upload pics to an amateur exhibitionist website. Since I had shared my little secret, he shared his: He gets naked in hotel rooms and masturbates while spanking himself with his belt. You can see where this is going. I whacked his ass while he took photos of me. There was no sucking or fucking, but his Catholic guilt came out afterward, and he started going on about how he had just had gay sex and cheated on his wife. To me, it was masturbation with a few toys. So here’s the question: Did we have gay sex and cheat on our wives? Or was this just a wank with a few toys?
Spank And Wank
Yes, dear readers, this could be a fake. Every letter could be a fake.
OK, two guys beating off in a hotel room? Sounds pretty gay to me. I mean, if a woman offered to help me out with my solo hotel room routine – mostly blogging and watching MSNBC – I’d take a pass, as that scene would be entirely too straight for me to get aroused.
It’s possible that your enjoyment of exhibitionism is so pure that the gender of the persons involved is irrelevant. That’s not the case with my kinks, nor does it appear to be the case with your new spank buddy. And considering your friend’s kink (punishment) and his faith (Catholic), I’m thinkin’ the odds that your buddy has a few forbidden desires – perhaps gay ones – that led to his erotic obsession with being punished seem kinda high. It may not have been gay for you, but it was gay for him.
As for whether what went down in that hotel room constitutes cheating, SAW, you’re asking the wrong person. Show your wife the pictures and ask her.
CONFIDENTIAL TO KOMEN: Fire the execs responsible, Nancy Brinker and Karen Handel, please. And to my readers: Planned Parenthood is under relentless political attack, and even a small, symbolic donation makes a difference: tinyurl.com/ppsavlove.
> Email Dan Savage