What's Hot
MOST READ
  • Eat this How to feed yourself when you don’t know how to cook and don’t have anything to eat | 8/13/2014
  • 100 things you must do in Orlando before you die A list of things everyone who lives in Orlando should do at least once | 12/4/2013
  • Vote smart: Why the Aug. 26 elections are important Your vote matters, and here’s why | 8/20/2014
  • The best things in life are cheap (or free) Tuition is high, your student loan repayments are looming and chances are you barely have $2 stashed away in your dorm room for an emergency. But, somehow, you still gotta live. That’s what student discounts and freebies are for. They’re hardly publicize | 8/13/2014
  • Orlando 101: Welcome to Orlando Weekly's college guide “Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies – God damn it, you’ve got to be k | 8/13/2014
  • 'Til Death Do Us Part... The battle for a statewide domestic-partnership registry isn’t just a policy fight. It’s personal. | 4/9/2013
  • Dorm gourmet Recipes for college cooks who are more Top Chef than Top Ramen | 8/25/2011
What's Going On

Calendar

Search thousands of events in our database.

Restaurants

Search hundreds of restaurants in our database.

Nightlife

Search hundreds of clubs in our database.

Orlando Daily Deals powered by ReferLocal

OW on Twitter
OW on Facebook
Print Email

COLUMN

Savage Love

I consider myself a socially progressive person, have been a vocal supporter of LGBT issues since high school

I’m 26, straight and male. I consider myself a socially progressive person, have been a vocal supporter of LGBT issues since high school, and was president of my college Gay-Straight Alliance. Here’s my issue: I fully support the trans community. I have numerous friends in varying states of transition and I’m 100 percent behind them. But in my own dating life, I wouldn’t feel comfortable dating/having sex with a woman who had at one point in her life been a man. I realize I wouldn’t be fucking a dude, but it’s a mental hurdle I can’t clear. All my LGBTQA friends – be they trans, gay, bi – call me a transphobe, because if I were truly on their side, if I truly “understood,” then sex with a MTF straight woman would be no different than sex with a cisgender straight woman. Do I have the right to not feel comfortable with the idea (or reality) of having sex with these women and still consider myself a supporter of the trans community? Are my friends being unreasonable by judging me against their schema of appropriate sexuality? Or am I a hypocrite?

Fears Real Activism Undermined [by] Dick

“He’s not transphobic – not in my book,” says Kate Bornstein, author, performer, “advocate for teens, freaks and other outlaws,” and herself a trans woman. “One more thing he’s not is straight. Sex-positive, supportive of trans folk and heterosexual? Cool! He’s a queer heterosexual – and some of my best friends are queer heterosexuals.”

As for your specific issue – you’re not attracted to trans women – Bornstein says that by itself isn’t evidence of transphobia.

“A queer heterosexual is just as entitled to the fulfillment of their sex and gender desires as anyone else,” says Bornstein. “Sometimes those desires depend on the nature of their lover’s body. Well, trans people have bodies that are different than cis people’s bodies. We’re two (or more) mints in one – a physical blend that attracts a lot of people. FRAUD just doesn’t happen to be one of them. The fact that he’s sensitive to that blending of genders in our bodies doesnot make him transphobic.”

What can you do about it?

“Go have good sex with cis women,” says Bornstein. (Don’t know what “cis” means in this context? See: tinyurl.com/cisdefine.)

Whatever else you do, FRAUD, Bornstein wants you to stop identifying as straight.

“He’s part of our queer tribe,” she says. “And who knows? One day, he might meet the right trans person.”

And who knows? One day, your cranky LGBTQA friends might accept who you are just as you’ve accepted them. Make an effort to use “attracted to cis women” in place of “wouldn’t feel comfortable dating” trans women, and you’ll hasten that day’s arrival.

We welcome user discussion on our site, under the following guidelines:

To comment you must first create a profile and sign-in with a verified DISQUS account or social network ID. Sign up here.

Comments in violation of the rules will be denied, and repeat violators will be banned. Please help police the community by flagging offensive comments for our moderators to review. By posting a comment, you agree to our full terms and conditions. Click here to read terms and conditions.
comments powered by Disqus