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Savage Love

I'm 21 years old and in a monogamous relationship.

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And if you try all of that – or if you’ve already tried that – and it doesn’t work?

“Perhaps it simply is the case that for her, like a substantial minority of women, vaginal penetration is not all that fulfilling,” says Chivers. “If so, I would strongly recommend that she reinterpret her lack of interest in vaginal sex as a preference – one that is not uncommon – and not a malfunction.”

“As for telling her partners,” says Chivers, “I suppose it depends on the nature of the relationship and whether or not she’s willing to be GGG and have vaginal sex to satisfy her partner, even though this may not be her first choice on the menu.”

In other words, WTF, if penetration doesn’t cause you emotional or physical distress – if it’s something you can take or leave – tell a new partner early on about your strong preference for other forms of sex. Then indulge the dude in vaginal intercourse when you’re up for it, or he’s desperate for it, while incorporating lots of clitoral stimulation during the act.

Meredith Chivers tweets on sex and gender research, sociopolitical issues relating to sexual and gender minorities, and psych research in general. Follow Chivers – and learn from her – on Twitter @QSagelab. (And you can follow me at @fakedan savage.)

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