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Savage Love

I'm 21 years old and in a monogamous relationship.

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Sexual Advice Xactly Our Need

When your friend is getting close – when he’s approaching “orgasmic inevitability,” as the sex researchers call it – he should say, “I’m getting close.” (Duh, right?) And just as he’s passing the point of orgasmic inevitability – his mother kicking down the bedroom door and leading a SWAT team into the room couldn’t keep him from ejaculating – he should say, “I’m coming.”

At that moment, the blowjob bestower – your friend’s new GF, in this case – can remove the dick from her mouth and point it at her tits or over her shoulder or at his mother. Or she can leave it in her mouth, let him come and then decide if she wants to spit or swallow. She’s the decider.

I’m a 24-year-old straight girl, andvaginal sex does nothing for me. I’ve never been molested and I don’t take pills. I feel sexual pleasure in other parts of my body and experience clitoral orgasms, but as far as getting fucked by a dick goes, it’s about as interesting as a finger in a fist. Through googling, I’ve found others with this issue, and the general response to us seems to be that it’s a surmountable mental problem – which is vague and unhelpful.

So I’m asking for the opposite. Is there scientific research about this? Is there hope? Or do I just have to learn to deal? It is lonely and depressing to experience the gold standard that is vaginal sex as a kind of animate masturbatory aid. Also, at what point do I tell my partners I have this malfunction?

Wrong Type Freak

“I’d recommend that she spend some time exploring her vagina, trying different positions, experimenting with placing pressure on the posterior and anterior walls of her vagina, and with friction on her cervix,” says Meredith Chivers, an assistant professor of psychology, a clinical psychologist and a sexuality researcher at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario. “The best position to do all this is with her on top, controlling the speed, depth and trajectory – for lack of a better word – of the thrusts, and pairing this with clitoral stimulation.”

If you decide to give vaginal intercourse another shot, Chivers also recommends that you warm up with lots of oral sex, toys, masturbation and the other stuff you enjoy. That way you’ll be “engorged, erect and lubricated, and subjectively turned on” before penetration.

Chivers also wonders if you’ve discovered your G-spot. “If she hasn’t found her G-spot, finding it might be a watershed moment,” says Chivers. “For some women, G-spot stim is associated with experiencing intense ‘vaginal’ orgasms and ejaculating.” Finding the G-spot can be tricky, Chivers adds, and it’s best to attempt it when you’re very aroused. “Stimulate the anterior wall of the vagina (side nearest the belly button) about five centimeters in,” says Chivers, by using a “come here” motion with the index finger.

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