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COLUMN

Savage Love

I have a hodgepodge of birth defects that affect my genitalia

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HEA offers financial aid to men who otherwise wouldn’t be able to attend – an experience that is life changing and, in some cases, life saving – and I’ve made a donation so more men with hypospadias can attend this year. I’m encouraging my readers to do the same: heainfo.org.

I’m a 26-year-old girl from Austria currently seeing a guy who likes to tie me up and gag me. It is just cuffs and ball gags so far, and I am enjoying it!

Recently he sent this text message: “mummification sounds fun.” In his case, “sounds fun” means “I wish to try it.” I looked it up online. Holy! I was scared after watching this video of a guy wrapping a woman first in cling film and then in duct tape! Face and everything! It seemed like out of a horror movie! I texted him back: “I realize this could be a lot of fun for you, but I don’t think I can do that.” He’s never mentioned it again.

I feel awful for denying him. I tell myself it’s about trusting the other person – yes, we have safe words! – but I just can’t shake off the feeling of creepiness! Is there anything I can do to get over being terrified? Was it fair to say, “Not gonna happen”?

Because I Am Scared

“BIAS should know that it was absolutely OK for her to say, ‘Not gonna happen,’” says Tynan Fox, kinkster, activist and blogger (tynanfox.com). Fox, just 27, has been into mummification for more than a decade – he’s been on both sides of the duct tape – but says he can appreciate why even some bondage fans aren’t into it.

“Many people are claustrophobic,” Fox says, “and they can’t stomach the idea of being wrapped up, and who can blame them? Mummification is extreme play. But her boyfriend is being completely appropriate – she said she wasn’t interested, he hasn’t mentioned it again – and they should both be commended for their open and honest communication.”

The only way to get over your feelings of terror, if you want to explore this, is to try it while taking things very, very slowly.

“She doesn’t have to go directly to the full-out body-and-head-covering Saran Wrap/duct tape combo,” Fox says. “Pace yourselves! Begin with Saran Wrap only, just from the shoulders to the ankles. If she freaks, the boyfriend cuts her loose and it’s over. If the scene goes well, they can add a little more next time. Eventually, she may find the restriction and sensory deprivation provides a heightened sense of sexual awareness and makes her extremely horny.”

I moved in with a friend of a friendwhen I was desperate to find housing in a new city. The guy I live with would be an ideal roommate except he sometimes makes homophobic comments. I never told him I’m gay – I didn’t feel the need up front and now I don’t feel comfortable – but homophobia is not the reason I am writing you. The situation goes deeper.

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