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COLUMN

Savage Love

I am a 16-year-old female. I have been in a monogamous relationship with a boy for seven months.

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I am a 16-year-old female. I have been in a monogamous relationship with a boy for seven months. My first, his too. A couple of months in, we began to explore masturbating each other and oral sex. He has gone down on me three times, but I have never given him a blowjob. I’m scared to because I’m scared he will be disappointed. We fight sometimes because he feels it’s unfair that he goes down on me, and I don’t go down on him.

On top of this, he started doing something when we are in the midst of being sexual that I don’t understand. He will stick the tip of his hard penis just inside the opening to my vagina, again and again. I guess you could call it “probing.” I know enough to know that there’s a slight risk of pregnancy, as pre-come can get a woman pregnant and he doesn’t wear a condom when he does this. We are planning on having complete vaginal intercourse in the next few months, with condoms and birth control, but this is happening now and it worries me.

This is what I need advice about: I know that there is a very small risk of pregnancy even if we use condoms and birth control. I couldn’t handle a child at my age or the humiliation of being pregnant at 16 and having to walk around town with the evidence out for all to see. I would have an abortion. He disagrees strongly with abortion, but he’s not the one who would have to go through it all! So I would probably end up having an abortion without telling him, which seems completely unfair.

No Clue What To Do

I’m going to take your problems one at a time, NCWTD, in ascending order of importance/assholery.

1) A disappointing blowjob is always less disappointing than no blowjob at all, particularly for teenage boys. So it’s always better to err on the side of blowjobs.

Yes, you’ll probably be pretty inept at first. Take things slowly and only take him as far into your mouth as you feel comfortable with. Don’t let your boyfriend rush or guilt you into blowing him until he comes by pointing to all the times – all the three times! – that he went down on you. Sucking cock is physically trickier and more taxing than eating pussy. That may seem crazy unfair – hasa diga eebowai – but on the bright side, it frees you from having to get him off with your mouth the first few dozen times you attempt to blow him.

2) Probing is low-risk for pregnancy, but there’s still some risk. What worries me is that this activity makes you uncomfortable and either you haven’t said anything to your boyfriend or you have said something and he’s doing it anyway. Tell him no more probing, if you haven’t already, and if he initiates probing after you’ve made it clear that you’re not comfortable with it, break the fuck up with him. Which brings us to …

3. You’re going to have to go Bitch Puddin’ on his ass. Memorize this, say it to him and mean it: “If I let you stick your dick in my vagina and I get pregnant, I am getting an abortion. If you can’t live with that – if you aren’t willing to shoulder the psychic risk of knowing that your girlfriend would get or actually got an abortion, while she shoulders the actual physical risk of an unplanned pregnancy – then I am never going to let you stick your dick in my vagina. You’re free to disagree with my choice, of course, but you can’t prevent me from making that choice. So what’s it going to be?”

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