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COLUMN

Savage Love

Three months ago, I met a woman who I’m really into physically, emotionally and mentally.

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Unless you can find it in your heart to forgive him.

His kink cards are faceup on the table now; you know his deepest, darkest sexual fantasies, and, more importantly, he knows you know. Yes, he betrayed you, but forgiveness is meaningless if it’s limited to trifles and never comes after a Very Serious Betrayal. If his kink is something you would’ve signed off on had he gone about things differently, perhaps you could take him back on the condition that he go about things – finding things, sucking things, getting fucked by things** – very, very differently from now on.

* I’m not saying that a man who visits a sex worker is automatically going to get a sexually transmitted infection; a good sex worker is typically more thoughtful about sexual safety than your average freebie slut. But outside sexual contact is outside sexual contact. Whomever it involves, it involves risk for the insider back at home, and it should be disclosed and discussed in advance.

** I’m not calling MTF sex workers “things.” I’m calling their things things.

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