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COLUMN

Savage Love

I'm a straight man married to a bisexual lady

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Worried Mom

Kinky people aren't assigned their kinks during their freshman orientation sessions at university, and no one has ever contracted a fetish – like a cold? – just because someone uttered the name of it aloud. (And no fetishist has ever been cured by Mom freaking out.) People tend to become aware of their kinks, and start scouring the web in search of information about them, right around puberty. Which means your daughter is perfectly normal – a perfectly normal, perfectly kinky kid.

Like lots of young kinksters, she may be consumed by her kink now; she's just realized that she's not alone, and she's busily reading and viewing everything she can about it. It's unlikely that her kink will remain so all-consuming. Sooner or later she'll relax about it, and relax into it, and one day she'll have a very nice boyfriend – or girlfriend – who loves her enough to indulge her harmless kink or, better still, she'll meet someone online she clicks with emotionally and intellectually who also shares her kink.

In the meantime, if it makes you uncomfortable to read what your daughter is reading online, stop reading it.

I'm a 19-year-old heterosexual female.When I get a boyfriend, I get so nervous that I get physically sick. It makes dating very stressful and it feels like I can't have a normal relationship because I have to think about not throwing up when I really just want to enjoy his company. I feel particularly sick when things start to heat up with a boy. Now I try to stay out of relationships because I don't think anyone will want to deal with this problem. How can I help condition my way out of it? Should I see another shrink?

Nervous In Candlelight

Yes, NIC, see a shrink – and a pot dealer/medical marijuana provider.

I've been married to my amazing husband for 11 years. I'm straight and love being with two men at once and he's bi so that makes for crazy-hot-fun times. We have all the kids we want, so he's had a vasectomy. I'm still fertile but don't want to end up pregnant by one of our thirds, so we're taking every conceivable precaution. (See what I did there?) My question is this – if we're performing oral on our third and he comes in my husband's mouth and then my husband goes down on me, could I get pregnant via oral transfer?

Baby Shop Is Closed

There's a famous case of a 15-year-old girl who was born without a vagina – but with everything else – who managed to get pregnant via oral sex. Well, via oral sex and a knife fight and a life-threatening wound that allowed the spermatozoa in the girl's gut to swim into her uterus. This – according to a friend-of-a-friend who knows someone who was there – is not an urban legend. In fact, the story appeared in a 1988 issue of the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology and bounced around the blogs for a few weeks last winter after a blogger at Discover unearthed it.

Anyway, the moral of the story: never say never. But provided your husband swallows and doesn't gargle, and provided there isn't any semen dribbling down his chin, I'd put your chances of getting pregnant under the circumstances you've described at pretty darn close to zero. (And not to ruin your day/three-way or anything, but you do know that vasectomies have a 1-in-2,000 failure rate, right? If you do get knocked up after one of those three-ways, BSIC, the bonus baby could still be your husband's.)

mail@savagelove.net

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