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Savage Love

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My wife and I have been married for a few years and are expecting our first child. I'm really into the idea of being sprayed with my wife's breast milk. The other night, she was fretting about when her boobs are going to start leaking. This seemed like a good time to bring it up, so I told her about my newly discovered lactation fetish. She freaked out – her comments were along the lines of “Gross!” and “That's not what that's for!” This is something I'd really like to explore, but I don't know how to reapproach the subject.

Man Into Lactation Kink

Not all pregnant women, however thrilled they are about having children, are excited about – much less excited by – the physical changes that come with pregnancy. So you might wanna keep your mouth shut until your wife has some time to get comfortable with her new boobs and their new milk-producing superpowers.

Once the kid is out and the milk is in and your wife has fully recovered from the birth experience and you start fucking again … you should probably keep keeping your mouth shut. The wife won't have forgotten that conversation, and if she comes to see her breast milk as a bodily fluid like so many others, i.e., one of those fluids that adults sometimes share during sex, perhaps she'll warm to breast-milk splatter play.

But don't take my word for it, MILK.

“Before I had a baby,” said a new mother I shared your letter with, “I would've had the same reaction – gross! I would've wondered if my husband has unresolved mother issues. The idea of sexualizing a bodily secretion that's designed solely for my infant? That seems a bit taboo. But now that I've had a baby, my reaction would be somewhat different.”

How so?

“It can be a challenge to feel intimate after childbirth and as sleep-deprived new parents,” said the new mom. “So I'd perhaps shrug and summon my new mom mantra: whatever works.”

I am a 25-year-old lesbian. I've beenwith men before, but I never really liked it – penises freak me out. My coworker recently asked me to have a threesome with him and his boyfriend using a strap-on. I'm intrigued. They're both very attractive, and I would like to try it, if only for the story. But I'm worried that TWO penises will really freak me out. I also worry that my strap-on skills, while great for the ladies, would bore two 6-foot-2 gay men. Do you think I should do it? Can you recommend a way to get over my penis fear? Is it a bad idea to try this out with a coworker?

Intrigued But Scared

I think you should do it – and you knew I would think you should do it, which leads me to believe that you wanna do it, otherwise you would've written to any one of the hundreds of don't-do-it advice columnists out there. (Prudie would've made some great assfucking puns but almost certainly would've told you not to do it.)

Office affairs can get messy, but the messes are likelier when the romantic stakes are high. As long as you're both mature enough to separate your work relationship from your strap-on relationship, I don't see why you shouldn't satisfy your curiosity, theirs and mine.

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