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Happytown

Like most thoughtful individuals with hearts that actually beat, we spent a good portion of the past couple of weeks under a pink pall of doom.


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Will we be graded on this?: UCF cancels class so students can get their tailgate on


Speaking of inappropriate, the ADF weighed in with its own statement upon hearing of Chambers’ two-faced mea culpa, saying that “the event was always about the right of students to peacefully express 
their point of view on the subject of 
homosexual behavior.”


Or, say, videotape their roommate having a private encounter and then make it available online. It’s a thin line between holy proselytizing and the George Washington Bridge, fools. With all due respect, perhaps Chambers and his ilk should try silence on for a bit, while the rest of us try to figure out how to save the next generation from ourselves. 


Just as Orlando’s fears of being ugly and unwanted were assuaged by the recent opening of the Amway Center, so too did the University of Central Florida have its insecurities vaporized by the warm, comforting spotlight of national television last Wednesday.


The occasion was the first weekday home game in the history of the post-stadium Knights, and given the occasion – that is, a weekday with nothing else happening – the game was televised on ESPN. Therefore all classes after 12:20 p.m. were cancelled to give students at least seven hours to pound beers before the game started, so that they’d look real enthusiastic for the cameras. Understandable, because a mere six hours of pre-gaming just doesn’t cut it. And from an ESPN helicopter, drunken fights look like festive dances; projectile 
vomiting could just as easily be airborne 
confetti.


We couldn’t help but ask: Was it controversial, you know, canceling all those classes? “Only for a handful of reporters,” quipped UCF spokesman Grant Heston, almost too quickly. He says the event was worked out well in advance, with faculty notified of the cancellation nine months before the game to plan accordingly. Which got us thinking: Why can’t the school run its non-tackle programs this smoothly?


As it turns out, UCF is playing yet another Wednesday game, also on ESPN, perhaps as you read this. This one’s on the road, at Marshall University, which has not canceled classes for the occasion. Where the hell is their pride? They are Marshall! 


Another political season, another outsider candidate sore about not being included in the club of good old boys jousting on television in rehearsed repartee. This time it was Libertarian Senate candidate Alex Snitker and his loyal followers, pissed that he wasn’t being allowed into the vaunted WFTV (channel 9) studios to ooze slime onto the table just like three stooges Marco Rubio, Charlie Crist and Kendrick Meek.


Given that we’re the media and always thirsty for blood, we were drawn to the event partly by Snitker’s press-released tease of possible arrests. Snitkerites would be willfully trespassing on WFTV property, despite all warnings, the 
release teased. 


We should have known better: The crime scene turned out to be a dozen people loitering around a Papa John’s pizza, standing three traffic lanes and two sidewalks away from the nearest police officer. A stencil reading “Snitker2010.com” was spray-painted in radioactive yellow on any piece of concrete that seemed too smugly pro-Rubio. “Why’d they have to put the sign here?” an 8-year old asked, gesturing with a half-eaten slice of pizza at a Snitker stencil beneath his feet. Get the kid out of here! He’s too logical!


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