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COLUMN

Free Will Astrology

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VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) TV comedian Stephen Colbert confesses that his safe word is “pumpkin patch.” Does that mean he participates in actual BDSM rituals? Is it the codeword he utters when he doesn’t want the intensity to rise any further, when he doesn’t want his next boundary crossed? I don’t know. Perhaps he’s simply joking or speaking metaphorically. Whether or not you engage in literal BDSM, there’s an aspect of your life right now that has metaphorical resemblances to it. And I suggest that you do the equivalent of using your safeword very soon. Nothing more can be gained from remaining embroiled in your predicament. Even if the ordeal has been interesting or educational up until now, it won’t be for much longer. Escape your bondage.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) If you’re planning to hurl a thunderbolt, make sure you are all warmed up and at full strength before you actually unleash it. It would be sad if you flung a half-assed thunderbolt that looked like a few fireflies and sounded like a cooing dove. And please don’t interpret my wise-guy tone here as a sign that I’m just kidding around. This is serious stuff. Life is offering you opportunities to make a major impression, and I want you to be as big and forceful and wild as you need to be. Don’t tamp down your energy out of fear of hurting people’s feelings. Access your inner sky god or sky goddess, and have too much fun expressing your raw power.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) In your dreams you may travel to Stockholm, Sweden, to accept the Nobel Prize or to Hollywood to pick up your Oscar. There’s a decent chance that in your sleepy-time adventures you will finally score with the hot babe who rejected you back in high school, or return to the scene of your biggest mistake and do things right this time. I wouldn’t be surprised if in one dream you find yourself riding in a gold chariot during a parade held in your honor. I’m afraid, however, that you will have to settle for less hoopla and glamour in your waking life. You will merely be doing a fantastic job at tasks you usually perform competently. You will be well appreciated, well treated and well rewarded. That’s not so bad, right?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Lake Superior State University issues a “Unicorn Questing Privilege” to those people who are interested in hunting for unicorns. Are you one of them? I wouldn’t be surprised if you felt an urge like that in the coming weeks. Unusual yearnings will be welling up in you. Exotic fantasies may replace your habitual daydreams. Certain possibilities you have considered to be unthinkable or unattainable may begin to seem feasible. Questions you have been too timid to ask could become crucial for you to entertain. You can get your Unicorn Questing License here: tinyurl.com/unicornlicense.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Your ethical code may soon be tested. What will you do if you see a chance to get away with a minor sin or petty crime that no one will ever find out about? What if you are tempted to lie or cheat or deceive in ways that advance your good intentions and only hurt other people a little bit or not at all? I’m not here to tell you what to do, but rather to suggest that you be honest with yourself about what’s really at stake. Even if you escape punishment for a lapse, you might nevertheless inflict a wound on your integrity that would taint your relationship with your own creativity. Contemplate the pleasures of purity and righteousness, and use them to enhance your power.

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