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Date Night

Creative Valentine's date ideas for the clueless

Chance-You’ll-Get-Laid-O-Meter: 75 percent. If you start to feel overstimulated by obtuse depictions of genitalia, start an art argument with your date, then go home and have make-up sex.

The Enzian’s Romantic Double Bill

You’ve got to hand it to the Enzian’s programming unit for kicking Cupid right in his quiver sack this year. Valentine’s Day falls on Cult Classic night, so they’re playing Woody Allen’s uneven but entertaining 1972 goof, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex ($5). Spoiler: The title is false advertising. But wait, there’s more! You and your sweetie can bask in V-Day afterglow the following day as you lay out on a blanket on the Enzian lawn, enjoy discounted pitchers of beer and furrow your brows at the impalement-happy (and no, not that kind of happy impalement) 1981 Canadian slasher My Bloody Valentine for free. Ah, luv. (Enzian Theater, 1300 S. Orlando Ave., Maitland; 407-629-0054; enzian.org)

Chance-You’ll-Get-Laid-O-Meter: Not a chance. Unless you were planning on boffing anyway, the Enzian is doing your libido no favors with this double-bill.

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