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About Last Night

This Week: A ride-along on a party bus that takes college kids to the downtown bars.

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11:00 p.m.
There's a lot of drinking on this bus.

11:01 p.m.
Seriously, there's a lot of fucking drinking on the bus. Kids drinking Sailor Jerry's from the handle, kids drinking beer, kids drinking crude cocktails from red Solo cups as they mingle in the aisle. Somewhere a sexless conservative is vomiting, and he will never know why.

11:10 p.m.
Some guy in a neon-colored shirt like Undercover Doorman grabs a microphone from the center console. He's apparently our host for the night and tells us where our armbands will afford us free cover. The bus finally rumbles to life, and we roll off UCF property.

11:30 p.m.
We're halfway to downtown. The coach's old, rattling PA blasts some dance-dub-remix I've never heard before. It sounds like Skrillex fucking a swarm of bees. Everyone on the bus is singing along.

11:45 p.m.
Chuck and I finally disembark catty corner from the old Cheyenne Saloon, our drop off – and later pick up – location. Our host beseeches us to "get really drunk and have a good time" and "please take your trash off the bus." Our fellow passengers readily oblige by pelting a nearby concrete bank with bottles, cans and plastic cups – but not before chugging whatever swill remains inside, thus simultaneously obliging the former edict.
They stumble down Church Street, in various states of inebriation and underaged-ness, to disperse on scandalous, even disastrous adventures, and I could only think of one thing: Next time, I'm bringing a fifth.

What did you do last night?
Send us a diary detailing your drunken escapades, along with your first name and age to aboutlastnight@orlandoweekly.com. We won't print your contact info, but we do need to contact you to make sure you're a real person and can verify your story.

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